never be the same • markhyuck/nahyuck

19

TW: panic attack

He wakes up in the nursery room. Jeno is right next to him. His head feels heavy, he feels sick. „Jeno?", his voice is weak. „My god, you're finally awake. I was so worried for you, Hyuck.", his best friend's voice is full of worry.

„Hey, I'm fine Jen", he claims with a weak voice. Jeno just shakes his head. „No, you're not. Stop lying to yourself."

The door swings open and Jaemin hurries in. He sees Donghyuck and sighs in relief. „I was so fucking scared, Donghyuck. What the fuck did you think, huh?", Jaemin's voice is shaking.

„Hey, don't talk to my best friend like that! He just woke up, dude", Jeno glares at Jaemin.

Donghyuck looks between the two of them. He certainly didn't want to see Jaemin right now.

„Can you please leave me alone for a second? I'm so fucking tired.", he brings out before turning around again. Jeno nods and goes for the door, taking Jaemin by his arm. „You're coming with me.".

Jeno and Jaemin are silently sitting in the waiting room, waiting for Donghyuck. Jaemin doesn't even look at Jeno, he's just nervously fumbling around with his fingers.

„Can I ask you something?", Jeno suddenly breaks the silence.

Jaemin's head spins towards Jeno and he nods.

„Is his condition your fault again?", he asks.

Jaemin is clearly confused. „What do you mean again? We fought last week, I kind of said some inappropriate things.", he looks down.

„Donghyuck overworked himself like that when you left, it was his way of.. kind of getting over it, I guess?", he starts and swallows hard. "It was really unhealthy. Last time it ended with him being hospitalized, not waking up for days. You weren't even aware of that, right?", Jeno sounds mad.

„After he got out of the hospital he isolated himself in his room for weeks. It was you that broke him like that. Now you're doing it again. Please, for the sake of his health, leave him the fuck alone", he adds.

Jaemin's silent. He feels his throat closing up hearing what Donghyuck went through because of him. 

„You should know that I really loved him, Jeno. You have every right to hate me as his best friend, but please hear me out.", he smiles at Jeno but Jeno can see how sad he is.

Jeno takes a moment before nodding. „Okay, I'll listen.".

.

Donghyuck comes out of the nursery room with a blanket wrapped around him. He walks into the waiting room and finds Jeno and Jaemin crying together. Donghyuck is perplexed, what's going on here?
„Hey", he says, immediately getting the attention of both crying boys.

„Hyuckie, you're awake!", Jeno hurries to hug him. The hug feels warm and nice, something Donghyuck really needed.

„Why are you crying, Jen?", Donghyuck mumbles into the hug. Jeno slowly breaks the hug and smiles and Donghyuck. „I'm just glad that you're okay, you really scared me there", he pouts. „I'm sorry", he chuckles lightly, still feeling a little dozy.

Jaemin clears his throat and both of the boys turn their heads in his direction.

„How are you feeling?", Jaemin asks with puffy eyes. Donghyuck's heart feels heavy at the sight. „I'm feeling better, still tired from the lack of sleep but I'll be okay", he tries to smile. „Can I hug you too?", he asks carefully.
Donghyuck didn't expect that, he turns to Jeno who just nods approvingly.

„You can", he says and Jaemin walks towards him and hugs him tightly. The hug feels different, it feels warm and nice too, but Donghyuck feels a wave of relief wash over him as well. Jaemin hugs him for a good minute before they hear Jeno sigh.

„Hyuck, I really need to go to class. I'll take notes for you too, please get some more sleep, okay?", he says and Donghyuck nods. „Thank you for taking care of me, Jen. I'll call you when I'm home", he smiles and Jeno makes his way to class.

Jaemin and Donghyuck are alone now. They stand next to each other awkwardly. 

„So, how about we go to our office and I'll order us some food and hot drinks", Jaemin offers. Jaemin wanting to take care of him makes him feel all fuzzy and weird again, just like back then. "I think I'd like that", he smiles warmly at Jaemin and Jaemin returns the smile. 

They walk out of the nursery station and the first thing Donghyuck sees makes him want to go straight back to the station.

The minute they're out, Mark and his ex-girlfriend are right in front of them. 

"Donghyuck!", Mark says and hurries to the boy. Donghyuck just looks at him in disbelief. "What do you want from me, Lee?", his words are harsh. "Look, I'm so sorry. Please let me make it up to you, I'm really sorry", Mark seems so sad. "You're literally out with her right now, Mark, I don't think there's anything we have to discuss, really", Donghyuck feels so much anger and pain building up in him. "We are only friends, I swear", Mark emphasizes the word friends. Donghyuck is silent for a moment, he looks over to Jaemin. Jaemin is just looking away but Donghyuck knows he's upset. 

"I'll think about it", he says and turns to leave.  

Donghyuck is walking fast, he feels the hot tears streaming down his cheeks already. He knows that today was just too much. This was his breaking point. But he couldn't just break down in school. He runs to the office, hoping that Jaemin doesn't follow him. He sits down and tries catching his breath. It was always like that. First, he overworks himself to escape his feelings, then he physically breaks down. After that, he's forced to sort his feelings out, which leads to another mental breakdown. But this time he was hit with Mark right after his physical breakdown. His heart hammers into his chest, he feels his mouth go dry. He realizes that he's hyperventilating, he's shaking and he feels like dying any minute now. His heart won't stop beating. He cries even harder. It's been months since his last panic attack, he always wishes for them to get better, for him to get used to them. But it's always the same shock and pain. 

He can't seem to distract himself alone. He just wants it to go away. But after all, he's at fault that it came to this point. If he had just faced his problems right away, he would be fine now. 

Jaemin enters the room and sees a hyperventilating Donghyuck. He's well aware of his panic attacks, he used to have them frequently and Jaemin was always there to help him through them. He rushes to the crying boy and calls out his name several times. 

"Donghyuck, I'm here, it's me, Nana, focus on me okay?", he says softly and Donghyuck just nods. 

"Close your eyes for me, Hyuckie", the boy does as he's told.

"Now breath through your nose, in and out, in and out, okay? You've got this", Jaemin is holding him now. Donghyuck really tries to control his breathing, but he can't seem to focus. His thoughts are everywhere, he feels so much pain. 

"C-can't", he whimpers as he cries even harder.

Jaemin feels his heart breaking a little. He wonders how Donghyuck got over his panic attacks when he was gone. 

"Donghyuck, please look at me, we'll count to 5 together, okay?", Jaemin tries but Donghyuck couldn't even listen. Jaemin takes Donghyuck's hand and caresses it. 

"It's going to be okay, love, I'm here. Please listen to me."

Donghyuck is still too caught up though, he can't focus at all. He feels like he is about to die, he's afraid that his heart will give out on him any second now. 

So Jaemin does what helped best back then. 

He places his lips on Donghyuck's.

A/N: haha yeah so I did that. This chapter was kinda intense to write aaa.