kingdom come undone | Kylo Ren x Reader

part two | chapter one

"Do you believe in inevitability?" Rey's voice was soft in the dark room, the only light coming from the slits in the window, moonlight falling across her tan features.

You thought for a moment, mulling her question over. She wasn't looking at you, her brown eyes instead focused on some point on the ceiling, brows furrowed in concentration.

"I believe in fate." You finally responded, and she turned her head to look at you.

"I do too but..." She sighed, searching for the words to express her thoughts. "I don't think it's fixed. What we do in our lives has to mean something."

"You want to create your own destiny, then?"

"Yeah... I suppose so."

I wish I could, too, Rey. You don't say it out loud. Everyone is afraid of what the future holds for them, and whether or not it's fixed doesn't matter.

What's going to happen will happen, whether you like it or not.

____

Coming back to the Resistance had not been the triumphant return to normalcy that you had hoped for.

Where you had once been another body in the crowd, you were now the girl who survived the time she was held captive by the First Order. It was something not many others were able to say, and people treated you as if you were made of the same material as someone like Rey. You wanted to scream that you held no power, the only thing different about you was the man whose words were printed on your skin. But instead, you held your tongue, allowing them to barrage you with questions about your time with the First Order, see if you'd managed to pick up on any information that could help the Resistance (you hadn't). In return, they gave you respect. Respect you hadn't earned and felt nauseated to be on the receiving end of.

Worse than the unwanted praise was how your social life was faring. Everyone assumed your distant, unfocused gaze and reluctance to join others in any sort of conversation was just a result of your extended imprisonment on the Finalizer and Starkiller. Technically, you mused one day as you pretended to eat your lunch, pushing the greens around your plate until you could trick yourself into being full, they weren't wrong. But where they thought you had suffered from months of extreme torture that left you a shadow of your former self, only you knew the truth. Only you knew that you'd only suffered from the emotional turmoil that you'd inflicted upon yourself.

Who knew that constantly analyzing and overthinking your every move and interaction with the only person who allowed you to feel human connection during your imprisonment would lead to a weakened mental state?

You avoided talking or hanging out with anyone because you didn't want to be overwhelmed by the sudden attention or babied by their assumption that you were somehow broken and needed to be coddled. The only person who treated you like the healing- but okay- adult you were was Rey. Rey, who was the only one you really talked to, her bright demeanor being the only thing keeping you from losing your mind amidst all the mistaken praise and babying from others. Despite her somewhat infectious cheeriness, though, she preferred being alone.

Or, rather, alone with you for company. Why you had drifted towards each other was a mystery to you, but it was nice to have a friend, someone to talk to. Before she left for her training on a far-away planet, the two of you had connected, finding ease in each other's presence. When she returned, she had asked you to room with her, graciously opening her door when she didn't need to.

You both didn't like to spend the nights alone.

Though, she did also find company in Finn and Poe. You tended to avoid being by yourself with either of them, afraid that they knew more about your time with the First Order than they were letting on. Finn, certainly, knew that your relationship with your captor had been... different. But he never asked about it, and never seemed to think less of you because of it.