Adventures With The SMG4 Crew

The Wastelands (part 3/5)

Pushing open the not-so-fortified-yet-still-heavy wood door to the main base are of the camp, I tucked under Kapi's arm as we made our way inside, and the only word I can describe the interior is "Luxurious." Gold artifacts, beautiful paintings, blooming flowers, and the space inside was GINORMOUS. I swear it looked like one of those arenas with the indoor pools used in Olympic-level swimming competitions, and everyone knows that they are NOT small in the SLIGHTEST.

And with so many gemstones, you'd think we walked into a room full of royalty. Well... in some ways we DID, but when the royalty is someone you'd rather NOT see, ESPECIALLY after an argument, THEN shit hits the fan and splatters everywhere. Case in point... I didn't want to see my girlfriend Meggy here, neither Luna NOR the "Crazy Saiko hammer bitch," but hey, swings and roundabouts. So they gestured for us to take a seat at their very lavish and expensive table, and we did, them on the one side, us on the other.

Taking quick glances at the other three that walked in with me, I could see Tabi was basically batshit drunk, Kapi was about pissing himself, and Shy looked like he was going to stab someone with the GOLDEN KNIFE in front of his hand. Taking one glance at the three "royalty," I noticed they weren't in their usual outfits, but rather reinforced biker armor. It was a very... ODD sight to say the least, especially since Luna really ONLY had the mimikyu cloth as her outfit.

Me: Guys, keep your cools. Now isn't a time where we shit the bed.

Shy: I just want this world to return to what it WAS, not what it is NOW. Besides, I think we have SOME explaining to do. What do you girls want us to say?

Luna: You guys... well, you rolled in here not ten minutes ago, but first we want to know how you guys handled the past week. How we became basically leaders of this place, it's anyone's guess, but how have you guys been holding up?

Shy: Could be worse, but it could always be better. I don't really know if it was separation anxiety or something else wrong, but I felt lonelier than usual being crammed in that vault.

Kapi: I was with a few guys, on my own adventure, when we saw the mushroom of the bomb. I took cover in a basement farm shed, but the others, they couldn't make it.

Luna: So strange that you were not with Shy at the time. And you as well, Jacob. Care to explain what happened?

Meggy: I'll tell you what happened. It was because THIS fucker says he's really terrible with his personal care, and that's because he's THAT FUCKING LAZY to do anything, he thinks I deserve better.

Me: I was helping the princess with kitchen duties. I know what you meant by "Meet me by the lampshade in the park," but I wanted to put a good impression on Peach. I know she sees me as a less than, being a country boy and all.

Saiko: That doesn't mean anything, Jacob. I got to tell you, it's fucking stupid that you think that. I don't think you're less than us, Hell, I feel like you're actually BETTER than me. Shy, have you decided WHEN exactly I'd return to this shit?

Shy: Well, right now, for a little while. I'm actually planning on bringing some of the older characters back. Including SMG4 himself, I still can't believe I haven't brought HIM back in a while.

Luna: Yeah because you focus on something that's NOT really like SMG4 and his work.

Shy: Because I'm NOT him. I'm my own person, not even like the craziness of you guys. I... take shit more seriously.

Tabi: Yew... fucking... inbred... yech.

Meggy: Is... is he DRUNK? I can't really tell, especially BECAUSE... I can't see his eyes. Speaking of, Tabi, do you have any idea where you are?