~
"Will I d-do that again?" She asked quietly as he grabbed a new wipe.
"Yes." He nodded, wiping down her forehead.
"A lot?" She questioned, swallowing thickly.
"Yes." He repeated. "What are you thinking?"
"W-whether to do it or not." She sniffle...
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☆*:.｡. o(▽)o .｡.:*☆
That didn't happen, Nova thought.
The same words were repeated numerous times in her head like a mantra. It was just a nightmare that she was struggling to wake up from. It could be one of the long ones where you think you have woken up but you're still dreaming away, hoping, praying to wake up and see comfort.
But she knew those words were a lie.
She was blatantly lying to herself.
The room was eerily silent today where as usually it would be filled with Nova rambling and stuttering on to the soldier until her next lesson had to happen. The soldier took out all of the things to clean and stitch the gash on her thigh but Nova just stared ahead of herself at the beds opposite. Well, she wasn't really staring at anything, just a glazed over look in her eyes.
Sitting down next to her, the soldier moved her legs so he could clean the wound properly, his mask now off and on the bedside table. Still as he tended to her cut, she stared ahead. Even when he poured alcohol on it and started to stitch it up, she didn't move from that position.
Nova felt like she couldn't blink, afraid she might see it again. Her eyes burned with tears and one bead of salty water trickled down her cheek, dripping onto her skirt. Once the first one fell, more did like a waterfall. Just a flow of unshed tears that had been building up for years.
But she felt off. She had just murdered a human being without a second thought, she should feel bad but she almost didn't. And that's what scared her. This is what she'd been told to do, made for. All the films and lessons had been instructing her to do this. Clearly, she was good at it. And if you're good at something, why shouldn't you do it?
That's what she was supposed to do, wasn't it? Eventually, she would be killing more and more. She knew this so why was the first kill such a shock to her? It would happen again and it would be because of her. It would be her wielding the knife or pulling the trigger, maybe even snapping the necks. Why was this one such a shock? The others wouldn't be. They're just meaningless lives, right?
"Nova." The soldier said gruffly, tapping her cheek and she hummed, eyes still unfocused. "Look at me."
"What?" She asked, turning to him with those stupid tears still streaming down her face.
"You have..." Winter trailed off watching her tears mix with the splattered blood on her cheeks.
Seemingly knowing what he was talking about, Nova nodded slowly and he grabbed some more wipes. Gently, he grabbed her chin and started to wipe the crimson and salty water from her face and she just stared ahead again. Not at him, unfocused and eyes glossed over until she finally blinked a few times, eyelashes fluttering rapidly and it made more small beads of water fall off her bottom lashes.
