Thank you, for the venom (Frerard)

no. 5

Frank's POV:

I'm happy Gerard is my boyfriend but I feel bad for leaving. I should've stayed but I'm a coward. I finally like someone and I immediately fuck it up. Maybe I am a fuck up. I sometimes wonder why I exist but then again I don't want to die. I have to live so I can see Gerard and be with him. Maybe when he realizes that, I'll die. But for now I have to live, I like him too much to not even try. I like him a lot. Is that unhealthy? Probably but since when do I do healthy things? It's not like I'm going to manipulate him to stay with me. I want him to be with me because he likes me back not stay with me out of pity. I want him to be happy. I know he's not staying with me out of pity because he called me perfect. Even though I'm a fucking murderer, manipulative, a shitty person, strange and not in a good way, mentally fucked up, annoying, a fuck up, and I'm not good enough for him I'll never be.

I'll never be good enough for him. He deserves someone who is nice, pretty, genuine, honest, smart, simple, and not fucking me. I'm only smart but I use my intelligence for awful things. At least I'm not caught up in my bullshit. I know I'm an awful person. But maybe just maybe Gerard makes me want to be a better person. I mean I find myself killing less people, I actually care about him, I genuinely do like his friend and his brother. I just don't give a single fuck about anyone but if someone hurt Gerard in anyway. I'd fucking kill that person, awfully too. I'd make them suffer until death. I smiled thinking about what I'd do to the person.

I was shaking I almost fell off the branch. I climbed a little better in the tree. God I really need to kill someone again. I walked to a near by house. I hate having to kill people with a dagger it's so boring. But it's what I've got to do. I really want to use my poisons. I unlocked the house. I was thankful that no one was there. I turned the tv on and flipped channels to find an asshole. I sat through it and found some guy that was a rapist and would kill his victims afterwards.

~ (skip the murder cause' that's rehashing the same shit, mates)

After I was done I left his body in the park. I stabbed him a little too many times. I repeatedly stabbed the fucker even when he was already dead. I had blood all over me. Shit, maybe I went a little overboard. I feel bad but the only person I trust is Gerard I haven't seen him for 5 days. I really miss him anyways. I stole the fucker's phone. I knew Gerard's number so I called him. "Hello?" "It's Frank." "You finally found a phone?" I laughed a little. "I missed you also I'm covered in uh I guess red."
I said being extra careful, not wanting anyone nearby to hear. "Come over, I missed you too. My mom and Mikey left to get groceries." "Okay... Kinda nervous to meet your mom." "She's great you'll like her." I smiled. "You know I really needed the distance but it sucked without you. I really missed you..." "That's cute, Frankie. Also you didn't stalk me for once. Now get your ass over here before you get caught." I laughed and hung up. Guess this phones mine now. I ran to his house.

I knocked. He opened it. I forgot how pretty he is. We stared at each other for awhile. "Frankie, get in here your gonna get caught." "Aww worried about me, sweetie." He blushed. "I'm always worried about you, Frankie." "Of course you are, makes sense you're sweet." He blushed more. "Even though you look fucking creepy. Blood makes your eyes stand out a lot. Beautiful." I laughed. "Thanks, I guess." "Did you bring your other clothes?" "No, I was in a hurry, remember." He rolled his eyes at me. "Don't get mouthy with me." "And what are you gonna do about it?" "You do realize I'm not intimidated by you. It's hot when you try though." "What kind of murderer am I then?" He laughed. "I really did miss you, Frankie." "I missed you too, Gee." "Take a shower, are you sure your okay?" "Yeah, I just went overboard, kinda lost control of myself. I guess I'm scared, it's not so bad when I'm around you though..." I walked to the bathroom and took a shower. It was weird taking a shower again. I usually just take shitty baths. All the blood falling to the tub. This is fucking disgusting. Blood was in my hair, all over my face, and hands. Afterawhile it washed off.

I wrapped a towel around my waist. I walked to Gerard's room. "Hi." His eyes left his comic book. "Hey..." His face flashed red. "Where's my clothes?" He handed me the clothes. "You could've just asked." He smirked at me looking me in the eyes. I let the tension settle in. "Turn around." I didn't feel his eyes on me anymore. I smiled and put on the hoodie and pants. I sat down on his bed. He turned to face me, I reached for his hand. "I forgot how cute you look in my clothes." "Thanks..." I got closer to him. I wanted to kiss him again. Hopefully I don't do anything stupid this time. I'll try my best to not freak out. I put my lips to his. I think he was surprised because he backed up a little. But then he kissed back. "Hey Gerard where's my..." I pulled away feeling my face get red. It was his brother Mikey. He held my hand. "Sorry, wasn't expecting you to be here."
I smiled. Gerard looked so annoyed. "I'll leave you two alone." Gerard rolled his eyes. I smiled. "You want to be left alone with me?" "Yeah, I do." I smiled more. "We could go somewhere else if you want." "Like where?" "I don't know... I was just trying to give a suggestion. I just live in the forest and walk to you know..." "Sorry, I'm just in a bad mood..." "What's wrong?" "I'm just selfish, really. It's dumb." "It's not stupid, if something is bothering you then yeah it matters, Gee. Especially to me..." I blushed I said all of that without thinking. But I wasn't wrong, I would never want him to be upset and not tell me.

"I hate when you leave.." I widened my eyes. "Why?" He smiled. "Maybe I should take back my compliment about you being intelligent." "Hey!" I said smiling to myself. "Isn't it obvious?" "What's obvious?" I said jokingly. He rolled his eyes. "I really like you. I don't like when your gone. I miss you and I worry about you." I got out of his hug. Not sure what to say. "I don't know why you care about me so much. You'd be better without me..." He stood next to me. We were face to face. "I'm not wrong. I'm a murderer you're technically my accomplice. If we ever get caught they'd put you in prison and we wouldn't be together... Do you really think that's fucking worth it?" He rolled his eyes. "You really are a fucking idiot. I don't give a shit if I had to go to prison, Frank. I can't just give up. I want you." I blushed not expecting him to say anything like that. "Guess we both don't get each other. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't want you. You're the only reason I want to live." He blushed. "I'm gonna have to stay with you forever then." I blushed even more. I held his hand. "Enough with the sad shit, I wanna meet your mom, Gee." He smiled at me. "Okay, come on." I smiled as our fingers touched I felt myself tense up by the touch. "Are you okay?" "Yeah, why?" "It's just your hand is shaking." "Oh it's nothing, you make me nervous is all." I was being honest but I wanted his mom to like me.

"Hey, ma?" "What?" His mother was smoking in the kitchen. She smiled at me. "And who's this?" She put out her cigarette and sat up better. I laughed a little. "Uh, I'm Frank.." She smiled more. "We're dating." "Finally, took you long enough to find someone." He smiled at her. "Can he spend the night?" "Yeah, sure." "It was nice to meet you Frank." I nodded. I held Gerard's hand tightly. "Well I'm off to work... Bye." She kissed Gerard's head and waved. There isn't much to do as for dates. Also that doesn't sound fun. We just talked and watched horror movies. I was sitting on his lap. My eyes focused on the tv it was playing Carrie. It was my favorite part of the movie. When she kills everyone at prom. I haven't felt like leaving. I'm scared I'm going to lose control and end up leaving Gerard. I don't want to ruin things. I can't I just can't. I felt myself shake scared out of my mind. The voices keep getting worse and worse. It's fucking worse and I don't know what to do. "Frank?" "what?" "Are you okay?"

I wasn't sure if I should lie. I hate lying, it's fine if it's with someone else. But it's different with him. It just is. I feel like I shouldn't lie to him. I was tuning him out. I wasn't paying attention to what he was saying at all. "Frank, I'm worried about you. You only shake and pull your hair if your about to leave..." I felt hot tears run down my face. What the fuck is wrong with me? I don't understand. Me caring about someone? Since fucking when? I hate everyone. Why is it that? Why is it that I want to be better when I'm around him. I hate this feeling. Fuck this. But why am I so interested in the first place? No one, no one has ever made me feel this way. I don't know weather to be scared, happy, nervous, sad, glad, or feel like I'm going crazy more than usual. Who am I kidding I like him and that fact makes everything different.

Hopefully we don't get caught. Please, I don't want to get caught. I'm fine if it's just me but not him. The more I think about it. The longer this goes on for the closer it gets for us to get caught.

~
I tried making this a bit longer. Anyways hopefully you liked it my wee clouds
- Sid <3