Friends With Benefits - P.JM | 18+

6

"What I'm going to say, will hurt-- Yet, you need to hear it."

I already knew what you were going to say, Chuwie. I was already aware, yet, I didn't want somebody else to point it out.

I could do it myself.

If I didn't want to acknowledge it, why did anybody else have to?

"Although, something's that he did are cute-- Y/N, I believe he's using you for your body."

Oh, I knew-- What was wrong with me, honestly.

He wanted my body. The body that everybody despised. The body that I couldn't look at. The body that made me wish I was somebody else. He liked it.

I'm guessing you all realise it now, it was the validation, wasn't it?

Aha, I knew myself.

Chuwie, I didn't know how to tell you, but I did fall for him at some point.

Only when he left did I realise it was mainly lust. Could you blame me? It's all I ever received.

He took me to cloud 9, yet pushed me down himself.

It's funny, isn't it? That really happened..

"You know-- Y/N, I'm always here for you. You can do whatever you want and I'll always be here. I trust you and I know you're not stupid--" she laughed before continuing. "--You're quite capable of preventing things. Something I can't do."

Bullshit.

You'd do a better job than me, Chuwie.

I lost my mind.

We both sit down and speak further, chuwie's arm pulling me into a hug, "You know. This doesn't define you. You're not wrong, you're not bad-- you're perfect."

It felt nice.

Chuwie, I mean it. You're my soulmate.

I teared up, I remember. I was tired. I was embarrassed. I didn't want to be attached. Yet, I was? I hated that.

I mentioned it multiple times, yet you seemed to dodge it; red flag.

Oh, Jimin.

What did you do to me?

You healed one wound, but opened another.

I was so used to people leaving, you did just that.

You left.

I never said stay, I was tired of begging-- not just that, maybe, just maybe, I had hoped you'd stay willingly.

Why? Why was it so hard to stay? Why did I have to ask? Even if I did, you wouldn't would you?

Jimin.

Jimin, just, stay with me..

It hurts so bad.

Chuwie's mum ends up collecting her, so she doesn't stay for too long.

I look back at my messages with you.

'Delivered 5 hours ago.'

I click on the chat and send another message. "CouNtRyYy BoY i LoVeE yOu" I didn't know what else to say, I wanted to have jokes.

I guess, maybe because I didn't want to be boring, neither did I want you to think of me dully.

To you, I was the introverted girl that was antisocial, you pretty much said it too.

I didn't want to be seen too much like that. Being alone was never an issue for me, but you seemed so cool, well known-- I felt like I couldn't compete.

I felt like I wasn't meant for you.

I knew from the very beginning.

We were different in many ways.

I spend the rest of the day, just spamming you every few hours.

Why? What's the point?

I wanted to show you I cared. Even if you didn't, I wanted to prove that I cared, because I truly did. It was time to go to bed, all I thought of was you.

It was funny, our second hang out was something I wanted to avoid.

I didn't want to think of it.

Yet, the first. The first, oh, how I couldn't get it out of my mind.

Your hands are wrapping around me. You peck my forehead. You picked me up-- I was so scared and so insecure.

"I'm going to fall and squash you, Jimin!"

You laugh, "Let me try-- I just want to see if I can pick you up."

Your hands below my knees and effortlessly I'm up in the air.

"You're so light." you say, your voice soft.

I slightly squeal, my hands rubbing at my face, "No-- I'm not."

You laugh, "Yes, you are."

Every second around you, made me shy. You were driving me insane.

Jimin, I don't know what it was, but you made me feel everything at once, lust, love, hate, like.

I knew if I had you, I would've pushed you away, that's how I was.

Stupid, I know? It's like, I want everything, but I want nothing.

You're exactly the same.

You can't even lie.

I lay on the mattress, my hands wrap around myself as my mind drifts off to you.

I didn't want to overthink it, you did mention not responding to messages, you also mentioned going to work, I guess that's what caused me to cope with the idea of you not messaging me back; you're busy, I told myself.

However, I was still disappointed. I turn on my phone and head to instagram. I usually check up on my messages before heading off to bed.

"Jimin is typing.."

Suddenly appears at the top of my screen.

I can feel myself internally screaming.