Friends With Benefits - P.JM | 18+

22

I wake up in stages; twisting and turning, then latching onto the blanket, my actions showing the desperation my body had to keep the warmth.

It was a cocoon that I never wanted to leave.

Yeah, I enjoyed being lazy.

Why should I move about when I can just lay about?

It's unhealthy but I'll think about it when I need to-- at least, that's what I tell myself.

I grab my phone and immediately check my notifications.

None were from you.

You weren't responding.

I was so confused.

Yet, I didn't mind.

You must've been busy.

You see-- my heart told me that it hurt.

However, I had to think realistically.

You can't ever give somebody one hundred percent of your time.

It's impossible.

You can try, but it'll never reach that level, it's reality.

I already grew some sort of an acceptance towards it.

I head into college.

Me and Chuwie usually catch the bus together.

I usually see you on the bus I take.

However, this time-- I don't see you.

It was just a small thing. However, I see you quite often and not being able to see you felt odd.

Even if it was just one time.

We were fifteen minutes late to our first class.

Hey, it could've been worse.

Chuwie laughs, "I can't wait for the day when we're early to class, it's going to be considered a rare sighting."

I giggle at her snarky little comment, then finishing it off by softly pushing at her shoulder.

We talked throughout the entire bus journey, I guess it helped me forget about you, Jimin.

The buzzing sounds rang through our entire bus once we arrived at our stop.

Clumps off people shove past just to get off. The bus driver was sucking and gritting his teeth at the crowd, not saying a single word.

It took a while, but it wasn't as long before me and Chuwie got off the bus.

We head towards the gates where the security guards give a simple wave as their greetings.

I check my planner, "We have Julie. First period."

We begin scurrying to our lesson.

The little run was elongated due to our immense laughter. We were constantly shoving at each other, giggling and tripping before actually making it to class.

"Sorry we're late miss." We manage to speak in unison.

Julie sucks her teeth.

"You're twenty minutes late. Leave your badges on my desk."

We do that.

We pick up a laptop and walk towards our seats.

Zizi was already waiting for us.

She shakes her head, "You two are always late."

Chuwie responds, "Lateness is determination. I'm not absent, am I?"

I laugh, nodding my head.

We bring out our booklets and Julie continues with her subject.

Not everybody seemed interested, however.

People were gossiping and whispering to one another continuously.

Zizi seemed as if she wanted to say something, but she was continuously taking pauses, fiddling with her fingers, rubbing her neck and then looking away. It honestly took a few minutes because I noticed that she was mustering up the courage to finally say what she wanted to say.

"Did Chuwie know before me?" She asks.

I was not a terrible liar. I'm going to be honest. I made almost anything seem believable. There were many ways to lie and I happened to know how to do so.

I shake my head, "No. I didn't tell either of you. It was never my intention to tell anybody."

She gives me a curious look.

"Really? You didn't tell her?"

I nod my head.

Chuwie also nods her head as she faces our direction.

"Who's the guy?"

Ah, she hadn't seen him.

I ask, "You don't know who he is?"

She shakes her head. "I couldn't see from far. I took a video-- actually. "

My eyes widened. I felt uncomfortable and very offended. Who wouldn't be? I'm guessing my look probably made Zizi realise.

"I never got a clear video. You can't see him." She says, almost trying to use this as a way to mend my frustration.

I didn't understand, Zizi was pushing so many boundaries. From a certain perspective, I did try to be understanding.

If you saw that one of your friends was doing something and wasn't telling you, you'd be curious.

Well, it's dumb, but I can't relate?

I've always been like that.

What somebody else does has nothing to do with me. Unless it begins to affect them or there was something that was against my morals, I would step in and say something. Other than that, I'm technically just another person just like everybody else. Whatever I say shouldn't really have an influence or impact.

That's another factor.

Zizi and I were very different.

There were barely any similarities.

What do we do about it?

I don't know either.

The rest of the lessons go on throughout the day.

I don't see you at all that day, Jimin.

You were nowhere to be seen.

It's like your existence has suddenly been wiped off earth.

Sometimes, it was relieving.

Not seeing you.

I didn't have to continuously panic before making eye-contact. I didn't have to blush every time your eyes scanned me up and down.

It's like I said earlier.

You made it feel like you were already gone.

I had a habit of this.

Acting as if someone or something has already left my life in order to move on and continue, because life goes on, right?

Even if you're stuck, the days will always continue, right?

The seasons simply don't understand what wait means.

They will continue and we must accept that and try our best to be alongside it.

Time doesn't stop for anyone.

Not for me, not for you.