Friends With Benefits - P.JM | 18+

17

Each heartbeat was harsher than the last.

This was embarrassing.

No matter how many times I've been hurt by you, no matter how many times it was obvious that I should back away.

I couldn't help but get excited every time I saw your name appear.

Jimin, I gradually began erasing myself to become your doll.

You could do as you please, it wouldn't have phased me.

Jimin, why were you so harsh?

If I knew you were, then why did I proceed?

Why did I need you?

No-- why did I want you?

You see-- I denied it, but the sexual tension was what we ran on and without it, it felt boring.

I needed that just as much as you.

The more I would tell myself it was wrong, the more it felt right.

With you, I felt everything.

I felt absolutely everything.

I hated you-- I would've done absolutely anything to go back in time and avoid having any conversation with you.

I loved you-- I cared about you.

I was worried and I wanted to help you.

You were just like me, you see.

Jimin, you were someone that wanted to give to others and I respected and admired that.

I did the same.

However, someone once taught me that we should also have that same mentality for ourselves and doing that doesn't necessarily make us selfish.

I learnt that the hard way.

You can't always be there for someone.

You can't always help someone.

You must help yourself first.

It's almost as if you're encouraging one to do something you can't do yourself.

Yes, sometimes it may work out and even inspire you to push through.

However, others-- I've noticed that we end up constantly giving advice that we refuse to take on board ourselves.

It becomes a continuous pattern.

It becomes repetitive.

We give solutions to others and we watch them improve-- yet, we don't follow.

It made me realise.

We're scared.

Scared of change.

We're scared of watching our lives take a different route.

You see-- in some ways, we people have a vision of how we see life.

You're scared that your vision will be alternated.

You're scared that something else will happen.

The biggest fear is that you don't know what's to happen.

You see-- whether we say it or not. We all have an image in our head of what our life is going to be.

When that image is different.

We start to panic.

We'd do anything to retrieve the first picture we had in mind.

Why?