Hyacinth || dreamwastaken

5

"Dream." The sound of a crying man pulls my attention. He's stood behind me. When I take a glimpse of him I'm taken aback by his appearance. He's different. He's not... human. Except he is human. He just doesn't look the same as all of us. He's... unique?

The sniffles break my heart and I can only assume this is what heartache looks like. What a true broken soul looks like. What I would look like if I thought I had found a soulmate, and I hadn't.

"Ranboo." Clay gets up and walks over to the young man. Despite his young appearance his height towers even Clay's. Someone who seems much taller than the rest of us. "It's okay."

Clay pulls his friend into him. This Ranboo cries into his chest. It's the first tears I've seen. It's the first time I've seen sadness. Broken hearted sadness. It's sickening. I can actually feel my stomach churning at the man's pain. I don't want this pain.

This system rips people apart. None of this is okay. Just tell us who our soulmates are so we don't have to suffer. Don't allow us to make bonds we will lose eventually. This is literal, actual, hell they are putting us through. I can't go through whatever he is going through.

I look towards Nick not being able to handle the sorrow filling our space. I need the distance. "He's okay." Nick says softly, low enough so that no one can hear. "Tubbo was his best friend. He was like a brother in a world where siblings don't exist. It's hard losing people you become close with. The only person who is well enough to deal with the loss is Clay."

"Has he become numb to it all?" I question Nick. Not because I care but because I want to know if I'll become that way one day. Numb to the pain of it all. Numb to the lack of goodbye. Numb to the hell.

"He has to. It's why he tries not to get close. He keeps everyone an arms length away. He's more of a mentor and a helper. More than guides are. You having Q to help you is pure luck. Q learned all he knows from Clay. You have the best guide." Great. My guide is going to suck Clay off.

I don't want to hear about how great Clay is. How powerful he is. He is mature and wise. I get it. I just... don't want to deal with how inflated it makes his ego. He is no God. Though clearly he thinks he is.

After an uncountable amount of time Clay is still struggling to console Ranboo so George and Nick step in to help. It leaves me alone in the courtyard. It leaves me vulnerable for the first time since stepping out into this world. This is how I thought my first day would feel.

I decide to embrace the vulnerability instead of letting it swallow me whole. I stand up and walk away. I walk to Bluebell. I walk to the place I know can center my thoughts and guide me in the right direction. It led me to my name. I hoped it would lead me to my soulmate. Lead me somewhere that wasn't towards what I just witnessed.

The walk to Bluebell is quite congested. The pathways are full of people, things. Until I reach Bluebell. And then there's... no one. There isn't a body in sight. I am alone. It's just me... the bench... and the sea of flowers past the chain link fence.

I remember what Nick taught me about the cameras and walk toward the fence. I link my fingers between the metal chains as I look out towards the blue filled field. The field isn't just filled with hyacinths. It's filled with every blue flower imaginable. That means Nick specifically picked the hyacinth for me. There was significance. Importance even.

I keep my head forward as my eyes look back and forth between the cameras to either side of me. As they each turn on the swivel I reach down and pluck a blue hyacinth from its stem and twirl it between my thumb and index finger as I stand.

Bring color to a world of white.

It hits me like a brick. I take off. I take off running, pushing and shoving through the crowds of people and things. I run with one foot in front of the other. Until the air runs empty from my lungs. Until my feet stop before Ranboo. The man I only met today.