Hyacinth || dreamwastaken

25

"Clay, we can't keep doing this." I rest my forehead against his, unable to make eye contact with him.

His chest is rising and falling subtly. But it's enough to notice the movement. It's there more than it usually is. I smile at the fact that I control him so powerfully. But at the same time I break because a part of me thinks of Nick. Thinks about how this will hurt everything in him.

"Doing what?" He lets flow softly past his lips. "Kissing because we want to?" Clay's hand hovers over the skin on my cheeks and every part of me is drawn to his touch.

"Fight and fix the issue with kissing. If Nick finds out we've kissed I'm going to end up hurting him. And you'll hurt George." I sigh as I place the palm of my hand against the back of his. I need him over every inch of my body. I don't want a place on my skin that isn't on fire with him.

"You saw how Nick and George were together. I don't think they'd hurt. They should be happy." Clay tilts his head slightly allowing his lips to brush against mine in just the slightest.

"Nick instantly questioned why we were together. There was some sort of pain there." I plead with myself. Because honestly, I don't even remember if I saw pain, or felt it from him.

"Tell me you don't want this and I'll never kiss you again. Deal?" Clay's breath hits hot against my skin. The warm air sends me in a daze.

I can't tell him I don't want this because I do. I do want this to continue. I want to curl up in his arms. I want him to protect me. But then there's Nick. My day one. The person who taught me almost everything I know. The first person who made me feel something.

My brain is a mess and it has been since the moment we crossed the fence. It's like I stepped up over that metal and my entire way of thinking changed. Nothing seems like the right option anymore. It's all just so hard to wrap my head around. It's so complicated. It's a maze.

I leave him in silence for a good few minutes. His emotions, his feelings, begin to leak through his body. He's anxious and he can't hold back any longer. His mind cannot handle the silence. "You have to say something." Clay ushers.

"My silence should give you your answer." I close my eyes and play with his fingers as a coping mechanism. I don't want to focus on anything except silence. I want my mind to go numb for just a little while.

"Too much of a little bitch to own up to your feelings. Sounds like a 'you' thing to do, Hya." Clay shakes his head. His words don't hurt because I know his plan of action. He's pushing my buttons because he knows it's what fuels me.

"Coming from you." I roll my eyes. "You spent months falling for me. Denying yourself the option to have feelings. Because we could never be soulmates right?"

Clay narrows his eyes at me. I catch the slight anger in his features as I glance up at him. I want to see the way my words bite.

"But we are!" Clay raises his voice and I clasp my hand over his mouth quickly. I let out a simple shush as I glance toward the direction of the commune Nick and George are in.

"Be quiet will you? You complain that I'm the bad one. You're so god damn irrational Clay." I joke a little but definitely mean it. He's been more irrational than I was when it came to Bluebell. Oh how that time seems so much easier now.

"You're pissing me off." He huffs. "You're so concerned about Nick. You're worried about this and that. Like just admit to yourself that you want this just as much as I do. We've seemingly been over this a thousand times since being beyond the fences of Halcyon. But still it's like I'm not good enough for you. What is so wrong with me that you can't be happy with just me?"