Hyacinth || dreamwastaken

18

It's been one hundred days since Nick and George have gone. Absolutely nothing has changed. Sadness still overwhelms all of Clay's being. He is void of emotion, will to live. Void of everything. It's like he's a shell of a human. Nothing exists inside of him.

He's given up. He's faltering. His ice cold soul is no longer ice cold. It's shattered. Melted. It no longer exists. It's almost as if no heart even pumps blood through his veins. Clay doesn't communicate. He stares blankly off into the distance day in and day out. It makes my mind wander. It's hard, I get it but this— this is just a pure obinmation.

I glance down at the red ink laced into the skin on my wrist as I find myself doing in my fits of wander. It reads 93 and I feel no closer to a soulmate. I spend most days sat by Clay's side, trying my best to give him the release of pain that George gave him. The issue is, and always will be, I'm not George and I never will be. I don't have his powers. And honestly, I still don't have powers at all.

As I sit with Clay though, I think more deeply about the plan to escape. Every part of me wants to jump the fence at Bluebell and run until I find my day one. Until I find the one person well enough to fix a broken man. A man I broke even though neither of us know how.

Since the moment Clay brought up breaking out it had become a daily topic in our conversations. But now— now he doesn't even flinch at the topic. He has no fire to escape. He doesn't have any reason to continue on. George is gone. The likelihood of ever finding him, or them, out beyond the fences is slim to none. These lands are uncharted. There are no maps. There is no knowledge. It's unknown and new. We'd be setting ourselves up for failure if we tried... but if we tried at least we'd be living. Anything is better than whatever you call what we are doing now.

Today I've decided to leave Clay's side and visit Callahan. I've spoken to Q and he's agreed to accompany me to meet him. I can't for the life of me even begin to remember how to get there. My memory fails me. The lapse of time always seemingly making my memory mush.

When I knock at Callahan's door it takes a few moments for him to answer. His appearance shocks me again. I've forgotten how people are different from Clay and I. There aren't just humans in this world. There are things as well. Clay and I have just self-isolated for so long, important things are melting from my memories.

Callahan motions for me to enter and I step in, waving Q away. The silence is heartbreaking. I take a deep breath and focus my attention to the computer on the wall of Callahan's living room. I wait for it to speak but it doesn't say a word. I guess it's my time.

"I have a plan." I take my eyes off the computer and look over at the man with antlers peeking out past his hair.

"I have a proposal for the government. Reform society to its old ways. Instead of loneliness and no plans. Have us work. Go back to how life used to be. Give us a purpose more than finding love. Let us clean the grounds, make food for each other. Let us gather and bond on deeper levels. Give us friendships to help when one of us gets taken away." I take a deep breath before continuing on with my monologue.

"You think I'm crazy. I know." I look away from the thing and towards his computer filled wall. "But Wilbur says I have someone looking out for me in the government. Maybe my insight will be looked at closer and clearer. I can infiltrate and get inside information. I know you already have people on the inside but..." I trail off realizing how stupid I sound.

Clay and Callahan have it all figured out. They don't need my opinion. The two of them have a plan already set in motion. They don't need new ideas. They just need me to be on board for whatever they have planned already. They need me to help them execute. That is all.

"Forget it. I sound stupid." I sigh and drop onto the couch. I run my fingers through my hair. I'm frustrated with the situation I'm put in. I never thought that I'd be here when I was locked away in my room. I thought I'd come out and follow the rules and instantly find my crowd and soulmate. I never thought I'd have a broken heart and a broken soul. I guess that's why they don't tell you about this stuff. You'd never leave your pod to begin with.