Hyacinth || dreamwastaken

24

Clay leads me into the forest we've spent weeks in. We don't venture in far. Just enough to be out of sight while the sun is up and people are out.

Clay seems happy. He looks as if he's full of life again. He's got his best friends back. Even though he'd never admit that they are. But me on the other hand, I feel worse than I have in days. My emotions are in the depths of hell and I don't think they have a way out. Something will end badly. There is no happy ending.

The only way to deal with the feelings running rampant through my mind is to close my eyes and hope at some point my body passes out and my mind goes blank. The issue is... when your mind is wired your body doesn't sleep. I can't sleep.

I huff as I sit up and I run my hands down my greasy unkempt hair. The feeling makes me sick. Honestly, everything about my appearance makes me sick. I constantly feel sticky and I smell like I've swam in a pile of shit. It's unbearable. I don't know how Clay can even stand to be around me. Then again, he must feel the same.

"You good?" Clay asks as he turns toward me.

"Peachy." I said bland, rising to my feet. Before he can say anything in response I walk away and venture off deeper into the forest.

We passed a river not long before we made it to Nick and George. Maybe if I get in my mind will relax. I'll feel more me and less like... a pig.

"Hya," Clay calls after me not long after I depart. I can hear his feet crunching along the leaves and twigs lining the forest floor. I could hear him coming before he even spoke a word. I don't turn to look at him though. I'm better off that way. Less pain.

"Can you stop doing that thing where you don't listen to me please and just look at me?" Clay bellows out as he reaches my position.

I continue to ignore him as my feet hit the edge of the river. He groans knowing very well that I've heard him.

There is no need for him to be here with me. I told him when I need to be alone to give me that. He just can't seem to follow the one simple rule I have. Yet he expects me to follow all of his. Fuck it. I don't care. Why should I?

My fingers tuck under the hem of my shirt and pull it up over my head. I hear a gasp follow from Clay as my bare skin is revealed to him. Both of my bottoms soon follow and it's like I can literally hear his heartbeat quicken.

With one foot at a time I slowly walk into the cool water. Letting the liquid cool my burning skin. I'm on fire. Glowing green. Clay's eyes are locked to me like he's staring at something he shouldn't. He's looking but he's trying not to. I don't have to see his face to know it. He's a creature of habit. He does it every time I dip my body into water. He's attracted to me like one magnet to another.

"Can a girl cool off in peace Clay?" I mutter out without looking back at him. "While you're searching for that answer," I start before he can answer, "stop thinking about all the things you want to do to me right now. Your thoughts are distracting the little bit of harmony I can find here."

Clay clears his throat before he stumbles over his words. Nothing much of substance leaves his mouth. Too many broken sentences to even piece together some sort of real response.

I roll my eyes before dipping my entire body under water. The cool water is refreshing but it's not doing its job. The heat and anger of the day still lingers. Clay's thoughts still burn. I am getting no refuge from any of this.

"Just fucking get in Jesus Christ." I turn finally to face Clay. But when I turn he's not there. Instant fear strikes me. An emotion I've grown to absolutely loathe with all of my being hits me like a brick wall. If I could go back to the times when this emotion didn't exist I would. I fucking hate it.