Finally Found You (Loki x Gender Neutral Reader)

Chapter 2 - Who Am I?

947 words

Y/n's pov

It is 7pm and I am laying down, pressing my ear to the floor, trying to hear the television below in the living room. The rough carpet making an imprint on my face. I never get to watch anything interesting since I am frequently sentenced to my room. All I have a wide selection of not one, not two, but three books! At least they are chunky and about ancient architecture, I love researching ancient architecture. 

As I listen in I groan, why are they all so chatty? Can't they just shut up and let me listen to the show for once? I have no choice but to entertain myself with their conversation, as usual Rachel is voicing her criticisms of the show.

"I don't know why all this has to be so sentimental, it's adoption, get a grip. What do you think Henry?"

"Yeah, people these days don't seem to value the meaning of family blood anymore, what happened to that? What happened to family tradition?."

"People have grown too soft, that's why."

"Well it's different for us, Rachel, we had no choice about Y/n, those parents on the other hand, are just begging to be heros. What good does it really do? The talk of adoption being 'life-saving, only encourages people to avoid their parenting responsibilities."

"I honestly regret the day we agreed to take Y/n in. We should have dropped them off at the police station."

"That would have certainly make our lives easier. They are so unnessecarily difficult."

"I ask myself everday why Y/n couldn't be more like George."

"George works really hard, whereas Y/n just defies our rules thinking there is no consequence!"

"I never thought I'd meet a child so disrespectful and ungreatful too."

"The attention they seek is through the roof! They keep us up at night, shouting nonsense, then trying to play it off as them having nightmares. I think they might as well should have died when their parents got crushed by that lorry. I can't believe we took them in, selfish they are, arrogant they-"

I jumped up onto my feet, a thousand different thoughts rushed through my head.

This can't be true, they must be my parents. This is the only house I've lived in. I guess I never really called them mum and dad. That's not weird, right? Some kids call their parents by their first names, surely. And the only reason I'm not in the photos is because I'm a troublemaker, even though I'm not and they push all the blame on me and yell at me and put me down and they insult me and... apparentely want me dead? Brutally dead. Not even just in someone else's care. Dead.

I suddenly feel like I'm going to throw up. I lean my body on my dresser and take a deep breath.  But it all makes sense now-why they favoured George, why they never treated me decent. Why they never loved me...

A small tear trickles down my cheek. I don't know what to do, my life has been a lie, I have been chucked into a life of misery and unfairness. No wonder I felt wrong, out of place, left out of something important.

No wonder why they didn't care about me, I am not even their own. They could have at least told me the truth, they could have at least let me know the reasoning for their hate towards me. And on top of that who am I? Who are my parents? Could I have been loved?

Who am I kidding, everyone has always hated me, I'm sure my actual parents would have too. I guess I'm just unloveable.

That void creeps in again, as I always does. I never understood why, I guess I do now. But I can't just stand here and sulk. How can I give up so easily? So I push the void back as far as I can with a raw rage. I need to get out of this place. So I start to pack my things into a bag as well as the hidden snacks under the floor board next to my nightstand. I grip the handle of my window and freeze. Would they say all of this to my face? If I just went downstairs right now and confront them, what would they do? I let go of the handle and then press my ear to the floor. 

"What is Y/n doing? I can't hear the TV!"

"If they make another noise I'll go up and show them what real discipline is, don't you worry Rachel."

I slowly stand up and squeeze my eyes shut. I forgot about the last time I got 'properly disciplined'. I was so helpless back then. But now, I feel a little braver, so I make sure to stamp on the carpet as I tear the window open. Just one last fuck you before I leave,  adrenaline is pulsing through my veins as the coldness washes my hair out of my damp face. I step carefully out of the window and jump onto the roof of the shed in the back garden.

Sh*t I nearly missed that and God this is way colder than I thought it would be. My skin feels like its getting tight. I rub my arms a bit and then start to climb down the shed and over the fence into my neighbour's garden. God, what would I do if they catch me, if someone takes me back home? Would Henry have a torutre chamber set up for me? I try and scratch that thought out and focus on running out into the street where I stop and contemplate where the hell am I supposed to go? I guess I didn't think this through that much.