Finally Found You (Loki x Gender Neutral Reader)

Chapter 19 - Y/n Knows

971 words

Y/n's pov

My head still feels fuzzy; the thought of Loki makes me feel both nervous and calm. How does that even work? Speaking about Loki, I really hope he's okay. His emotions have been haywire recently, I don't think I've seen him walk about as disheveled as I saw him yesterday. That's when I hear his gentle knock. I smile, stretch and mumble, "Come in."

The door sweeps the floor, releaving a gentle Loki. He slowly treads towards me, his shoulders slightly hunched. He then carefully sits at the edge of my bed and starts to play with my hair, his shoulders relax "Hello darling." he smiles. 

I sigh into his touch. Darling... this god is too much, "Hello Loki, the sandwich was very yummy by the way."

"I'm glad to hear it-"

"Are you ok?"

His hand pauses as he raises an eyebrow, "Um, am I ok?". His voice drops off and he bites his cheek.

He is avoiding the question, of course he isn't ok... "It's ok Loki, you can tell me, I won't judge." I want to show him he can be honest with me. It hurts to see him supress his feelings, but if I push, would he shrivel back? So, with bravery and a slight tremor I reach out and stroke his face with my thumb. His eyes dart to my hand, I gulp but don't back down.

His other hand catches it and gently pressed my hand on his cheek, "I'm fine, don't worry."

Don't worry? How can I not worry when he hasn't sleep or groomed himself? He is always worried about his apperance. He can't fool me, I see the gloss wash over his eyes, "What's wrong, please tell me."

Loki pov

Y/n's thumb swipes over my cheek once more. They still try to comfort me, even when they are bed-ridden.

Can I tell them? They would hate me surely... Their heart is so giving, would they give to a murderer? Would I loose their heart? The one that sets me at ease?

But as their eyes bare into mine, I realise it would be better to come from me than for them to find out through another.

"I need to tell you something"

"Anything Loki" Y/n smiles

They are going to hate me, so much. "I need to tell you who I really am, who I was..."

Y/n pov

What is he on about, he is Loki no? "What do you mean Loki?"

Loki takes a deep breath and shuffles closer, "You have to promise me, that you won't hate me."

Hate? I could never hate him, "Why would I hate you?"

He closes his eyes shut for a second before squeezing my hand, "I figure someone is going to tell you at some point or another..." he says, "I did something horrible in the past, Hel! I've done many horrible things. But... but..." He holds his breath. He probably feel really vulnerable right now. Please don't cry, "It's okay Loki, you can tell me."

He nods and starts to breathe again, "You'll think I'm a monster."

"Monster? No Loki. What are you talking about?

He brings my hand back down and fiddles with my fingers, "Have you heard about the incident, in 2012?"

2012? Does he mean New York? Oh, is this really what this is about? I remember that from the news... "Yes, I know."

"But did you know that i-"

"I know, that was you." 

He bows his head in shame, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry-"

"Shh." I use all my might to sit up and wrap my arms around him as his shoulders start to shake, he's not that villain anymore, he's shown me a big heart, why can't he see that? "Don't you dare think that would make me hate you."

"But-"

"No buts Loki!" I cup his face, "I don't care what you did, everyone has regrets. Everyone makes mistakes. Sometimes we get lost on the wrong trail and we think it is too late to turn back, too late to call for help, so you don't. But you still can make a decision, keep on going until you have nothing, or turn back, by yourself, until you are close enough to be heard. What did you do Loki? What did you do?"

"I..." He buries his face in my neck.

"What did you do?" I pull away just enough to look into his eyes.

Loki then whispers, "I turned around."

"That's right Loki, you turned around, and look where you are now! You found the right path, and it just so happened that it merged with mine. If you didn't go back, I would have been alone, stuck with my fake ass f*cking parents and no-one to share my journey with, no-one to love... Wait wha-" Sh*t, I just said that didn't I?

My eyes dart between him and my lap. Oh god, what would he think?

"You love me?" Loki leans closer in disbelief, both of our eyes glittering, holding hands. He sighs and rests his forehead on mine. Home. But does he feel the same? "I, yes I do love you, I'm sor-"

"I love you too."

He does? I think my heart just flied to Asgard and back. He loves me. And I too...

We just breath, together. Never have I felt so right. Then Loki smirks and bursts out laughing.

"What are you laughing at Mr.?!"

Oh god, is this a joke? Does he actually not like me back? Was this a plot to expose me?

He continues to giggle, "Nothing, hehe."

I can't help but let my heart sink a little, "Tell me."

He pulls me into his lap, "You have been reading that motivational book of analogies haven't you?"

Oh, phew, "Maybe I have, looks like it cheered you up!"

We both chuckle and cry. Until our faces inch closer and closer. When his nose brushes mine a rush of warmth fills me, "Loki?"

He moves even closer, our breaths starting to mix. I think I can hear our hearts.

Then his lips catch mine.