Deliverance (#2) | ✓

twenty: on my cross

I release an annoyed hiss as I pour half a bottle of rubbing alcohol on my bleeding wound, a mess of bandages on the bathroom counter.

Mama's need for cleanliness would've led me to getting slapped on my head but I have to remind myself she's not here and try to carry on as usual. Which would've been easier if I could stop thinking about the mother in the other room.

One thing I tried to avoid thinking about was how beautiful she looked when we walked in, the long awaited look of relief on her face at the sight of her son after years.

For the first time since meeting her, I saw something other than pain in her brown eyes. And when she looked at me ... it was over for me.

A knock on the door interrupts my thought process and me cleaning the nasty wound on my skin. With a quick call to enter, Remi steps into the bathroom and closes the door behind her.

"Need some help?" She greets, eyes stuck to my hands as they work at cleaning the wound. I say nothing and she takes that as an answer to approach me. My eyes watch as she avoids my gaze for a moment before she takes the wipe into her hand, brushing against mine.

A shiver flashes down my back and I have to keep from looking down even further — her nipples poking against her (well, my) thin shirt as a result of the cold air.

I get self-control and instead stare at her face. "How's Jori?" I question softly, my hand falling to rest on the counter behind me and I lean back slightly.

She blinks, "He's exhausted. Fell asleep in my arms for the first time in years." She lightly sniffles as a small smile grows on her face.

I resist the urge to take her chin into my hand and lift her head to look at me. "And you?"

This seems to be the question because she looks up at me, doe eyes sparking something within me. That's when she seems to realize how close we are — her eyes flicker from mine to my lips and I can't stop myself from doing the same to her.

"What do you mean?" She asks, voice hesitant.

"How are you?"

"I don't know." She honestly says, "I'm happy he's here, sad he's had to be subjected to this, angry that he's been away from me for years." Understandably, the emotions pile up on her until they're ready to break free but every part of me screams to want to be there for her when it happens. She glances down for a second and grabs gauze and medical tape from beside me.

As Remi applies the supplies, covering the wound that will no doubt be added to my many scars, she speaks, "He burnt him once. Had his goonies hold me back and pressed a cigarette to his neck because he was crying too much." She pauses, her fingers remaining on the skin surrounding the tape, her touch shooting down to a lower region. "He was four months old."

It's inappropriate of me to feel this way — to want to kiss her when she has tears in her eyes. To want to kiss her when she's reliving this moment.

Instinct pushes me to cup her cheek. Surprisingly she leans into me, her eyes closing in response, a tear escaping.

"Hey, look at me." I say. She opens her cloudy eyes and looks up at me, "He's safe. Both of you are safe." Without her even knowing, I swear on my cross. I pause, thumb caressing her cheek. "It might be best for us to go to Italy until we get Ghost —"

My words and thoughts are cut off by Remi's lips meeting mine. Without hesitation, I pull her closer, my other hand flying to hold her face, my fingers reaching to meet the back of her head.

Her mouth opens, allowing tongue to meet tongue. Her hands rest on my chest as she pulls away.

"That's not ..." She exhales, trying to catch her breath, "I shouldn't feel this way about you, Luca. I'm falling back into a pattern of wanting the gangster and that never works out. I'm self-destructive and —"

"Remi." I try to keep her from continuing.

"Apart from me having Jori, it never works out. It becomes this big mistake that ends up with me in pain or fighting for my son to be safe —"

I gently force her to meet my eyes, "Do you trust me?"

The first time I asked her to trust me, she said she didn't. She said she wouldn't unless I told her how I knew about Jori. I lied to her but I still got him back. Though I doubt telling her that I'm in something bigger than a random street gang would change her mind when it comes to wanting this ... us, I can only hope that what we've been through together is enough for her to change her mind on trusting me.

She sniffles but doesn't answer.

"Do you trust me, Remi?" I repeat, "Do you trust that I will put my life on the line to make sure that you and your son are safe? That I will fight every battle, start any war to make sure you and him get the life you deserve?"

Her eyes stare into mine, jaw agape at my serious words.

"Never doubt that you're safe with me. Never doubt that I will treat you the way you deserve to be treated." I kiss her soft lips once more, "I will do anything and everything to make sure of it."

"Luca," She copies my actions, cupping my cheeks as she kisses my nose, "I've been fighting these battles for a while and I'm not going to stop. You fight, I fight."

i hope everyone had an amazing christmas yesterday!!!! ❤️❤️