Twin Flames X Jemily

5- Will

JJ's pov:
I've been sitting in my office all day. We're a few days into February so it's really cold in here too. I don't even know why I got so pissed about what Morgan said it was just a joke.

But I guess it annoyed me because I really did like Emily maybe even more than a crush. I hated that the idea of us every actually getting together was just some huge joke. I wonder if that's how she saw it.

It is honestly. A joke. It could never happen. So why bother being upset about it?

I tried to work on my case files until I heard Hotch calling everyone into the briefing room. As we all walked in I avoided eye contact with Morgan as much as possible. Maybe because I was angry or maybe just embarrassed.

I made a point of not sitting next to Emily. When I moved to a spot across the table from her she looked a little confused. I immediately felt bad. What am I even doing?

Garcia started presenting the case. "Alright guys buckle up because you guys are heading to New Orleans, Louisiana. Our unsub has murdered three people pre-Katrina, and the local pd thought he was gone for good. But then a year and a half later they found a fourth body with the same MO."

"Alright everyone we'll brief more on the jet wheels up in 30." Hotch stated walking out of the room.

I went down to my trunk to grab my go bag before heading back up and avoiding Emily at all costs.

I was almost the last person to get on the jet. I made a point to sit near the back on my own instead of with Emily. I couldn't even listen to the briefing. I was all in my own world.

About an hour into the flight I was completely lost in thought. What am I even thinking? What is my goal here to make her hate me? I'm almost there if I keep this up.

But then again Emily seems like the jealousy type. Although she was good at hiding it. Maybe that will make her notice me. I drift off to sleep realizing that my plan is completely stupid and that I have no shot.

~3 days later~
We had caught the unsub and we were going to leave tomorrow because of the bad rain.

The head detective Will LaMontagne Jr. kept hitting on me. He would constantly try and get me alone and he was always touching my arm or something.

Really I don't like him. His accent is repulsing and I can hardly even understand him half the time. I did my best to not talk to him.

Luckily we had our own hotel rooms so I wouldn't have to talk to Emily. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm going crazy here. I need her to like me. To at least notice me.

I see Will walking near the kitchen. I look over and make sure Emily's watching. Before I even realize what I'm doing my feet are moving.

I try to stop but I can't. I'm walking directly towards will. What am I about to do. Before I can stop myself I'm standing in front of him. "Oh hey Jayje-"

I cut him off by planting my lips directly on his kissing him. Why am I doing this? I have no idea. Maybe I just want to feel something. Or maybe I want Emily to notice me. Or maybe I'm just flat out insane. I'm really not sure.

I pull away after about 30 seconds and he looks me up and down. I feel literally sick to my stomach. I look over to Emily who has pain in her eyes. She looked betrayed.

That look in her eye was enough to send me over the edge. I ran to the bathroom and immediately threw up everything in my stomach. I leaned on the bathroom floor trying to catch my breath.

I eventually pulled myself up and went over to the sink. Maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought it was. Maybe Emily never liked me in the first place and she didn't care. I don't know if that would be good or bad in this situation.

I stared at my tear stained face in the mirror. I look like crap. I don't know what's happening to me. I just feel so empty.

I splashed some cold water on my face trying to make myself look more presentable and less miserable. I apply a tiny bit of makeup and hope that it's not too noticeable.

I walk out of the bathroom and see will immediately walk over to me. "Jennifer you should go out with me." He didn't even ask me it was a statement.

"Look will I'm sorry if this hurts your feelings but I don't like you like that. I know I kissed you but it was just a big mistake I'm sorry. Just forget it." I said trying to walk away.

"Jennifer." He grabbed my arm stopping me from leaving. "Let me go!" I shouted pulling my arm out of his grasp.

He looked angry but walked the other way. I went over to where Emily was. I needed to talk to her. To tell her how badly I screwed up or that I'm sorry.

But when I walked over to her she turned around. "Em?" I called. She froze for a minute but didn't turn around. "Jennifer I can't do this right now." She said walking outside behind the building.

I ran into an empty interrogation room and let tears slip down my face. What the fuck did I just do. I just ruined everything how could I be so fucking stupid.

What the hell is wrong with me? I did a stupid impulsive thing and it may have just ruined everything. This isn't like me I don't do stuff like this.

I wanted a drink. I dried off my face and got in a taxi telling them to take me to the nearest bar. I was off work now since the case was over.

I got out and walked into the bar the smell of whiskey invading me. I sat down at the bar. "What can I get for you today ma'm." The bartender asked me. "Tequila." I responded coldly placing a $20 bill on the counter.

As if my life couldn't get any worse I hear a sickening southern accent from behind me. "I thought I'd find you hear."

"Leave me alone." I mumbled. "Cmon Jennifer I'm a good man I'll make the money you just stay home and look pretty." He smirked.

"Look Will me and you are never gonna happen." I sighed downing my 3rd shot. Will looked angrier. "Fine. It's your loss you worthless little piece of shit." He shouted storming out of the bar leaving me alone.

I drank shot after shot. I lost count at around 8. I was so drunk I could barely even walk straight. I realized Will was right. I am just a worthless piece of shit. Emily never would have wanted me anyways so why even bother.

In a bar full of people I had never felt more alone. I got up and stumbled my way into the bathroom locking it behind me.

I looked through my purse and pulled out a razor blade. I stared at it for what felt like forever. I was 4 years clean but what the hell does that matter.

I just need to feel something. Anything. I dig the blade into the skin of my arm instantly feeling this sensation take over my body. I do it over and over again until I start seeing red spots and I might pass out.

I quickly stuff it back into my purse rolling down my sleeves and walking back out to the bar. I sat down my arms still shaking.

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