After listening to Matt I couldn't stop there and ran inside. When I reached at the entrance of the living room, I heard familiar voices one being the irritatingly familiar, Linda the b*tch. What the hell is she doing in here? Is she- the one r-ryan is getting married t-to? No fucking way. I told her that we were dating when we met on New York( of course it wasn't true at that time but who cares) and still she has the guts to marry my husband to be. She will pay for it, I entered inside and saw her sticking to MY Ryan like a chewing gum. That little shit! And what angered me the most is Ryan isn't pushing her aside. Doesn't he feel the same for me as I feel for him. Was I stupid to believe all those signs. I was standing there when Beth saw me and called my name.
"Calista sweetie you are back?" She was happy and a little apprehensive. When she called me everyone else also looked towards me. Matt was just behind me.
"What's happening here?" I asked cut to the chase.
"Hey sweetie why don't you come with me to kitchen?" She said coming towards me with a little forced smile. But I moved away from her extending hands towards me.
"What.is. happening.here? I asked my jaw clenched with anger, frustration, betrayal and what not. Okay I know Ryan doesn't know my feelings but I confessed infront of Beth yet she is on in everything.
"Nothing you just come with-" as she was saying an annoying voice intervened
"Oh actually me and Ryan are getting married. We are just discussing the dates" she told me with a smirk and clutched on Ryan's arm like a leech. I looked at her hands wrapping around Ryan's arm with anger and then at both of them, I looked in Ryan eyes as if to challenge him to refuse her declaration but he was sitting there in his own thoughts with a frown not meeting my gaze.
"Ryan is that true?" I asked emotionless without any hint of emotion on my face. But he was refusing to meet my gaze which was pissing me off ten times more than I already was. But his silence answers my question. Whatever the hell she was saying was true.
"You know what, fuck off!" I said to Ryan and at that instance he met my gaze but it was too fucking late. His gaze held so many emotions but one being the most prominent among all, helplessness. I didn't wait after that and went straight out, Matt and Beth were shouting my name behind me but I paid no attention to them and ran towards my porch and sat in my car and drove away at full speed out of that place. I saw Matt and Ryan from my rear view mirror. They were standing there looking at me with sadness.
I was driving at full speed not knowing where I was going just wanting to be away from there. At this point I feel like I was stupid, no I Am stupid. I am an idiot who fell into the trap that is called LOVE. This thing was never meant for me. I didn't know I was crying at this point, I only realized when my vision was blurred due to tears.
Why the hell this happened with me, whenever I feel my life is back on track I came back to square one. Is this how my life will always be. If that is the case I don't want this life. I am tired of this now. I can't go on like this anymore. I was in my thoughts when I saw truck coming my way with full speed. I panicked for a moment, so this is it. I am going to die after suffering that much and I will be gone just like that. As I was waiting for death a face came in front of me KOL. No I can't die, not like that. And with that I turn the steering wheel towards right with full force just before the collision I was on the side of the road in the fields, I stopped the car in the middle of nowhere. I started crying hysterically. Am I ever going to find my solace in this life?
No this can't happen with me, I love him. I LOVE HIM. I can't live without him. He can't marry someone else. He is mine just mine. I felt a ache in my heart thinking of all this and I want to remove this pain. I dont want to feel anything but how? I was crying and yelling when I remembered something. I moved and open the secret compartment underneath my car seat in where I used to stack some d-drugs. There could be some left i-if I am lucky enough. I open the compartment and found a single packet lying at the far corner. I released a breath which I didn't know I was keeping inside. I took that in my hand and sat up in the car seat.
I looked at that packet for a long 10 minutes deciding on whether to take it, whether to loose all my hardwork of three months just like that but the pain, it's unbearable. I have to forget about everything whats better than this. My phone was vibrating again for the nth time but I didn't move to answer it. What's the point in answering it. I have nothing to say. I contemplate a moment longer and finally came to conclusion of taking it. It would be just one time right? I needed this now, tomorrow I will think of something else but for now I have to take it. I pull out a weed stick from the packet and found a lighter inside the compartment too. I took the stick in my mouth about to light it when my phone vibrate again. My hands were trembling badly, this time I decided to take the call just to get myself a little more time. So I pulled out the phone and placed the lighter away, taking out the stick of my mouth holding in my one hand other hand holding the phone. I saw 50 missed calls, 25 text messages from Ryan, Matt and Chris. I ignored them all and saw my phone vibrate again it was Ryan. I picked the call half heartedly.
"Calista are you there? Thank God you picked up. I was worried for you. Love are you okay?" He said but met with silence.
"Are you there?" He whispered desperately.
"Why do you care?" I said and a tear left my eye. He sighed
"Calista I care, I care alot for you. I- I..." He didn't said anything after that as if he stopped himself from saying something
"I will just ask one thing! Why?" I asked my voice heavy with sadness and betrayal.
"Just give me one reason to believe you. You don't fucking know how close I am to breaking" I said helplessly eyeing the stick in my hand.
"Calista I have no choice" he said dejected.
"You always have a choice, its always about priorities" I told him as a matter of fact.
"I am keeping my priority first" he told me.
"You are giving up on me" I whispered but I know he can listen clearly.
"For you" he whispered in return. I closed my eyes feeling all my energy drained. I couldn't understand his words. For me?
"Ryan please don't do that to me" I requested my voice barely a whisper.
"I love you" I said finally
YOU ARE READING
Solace (Complete)
RomanceCalista grace Forbes is a 21 year old fresh graduate. She is a feisty girl with anger issues. She is short tempered. She hates her family apart from her brother. She has everything a girl could ever dream of but still she is not happy. She is the e...
