"hii"
17/1/20 1:09am
at first i saw him as a pest who wouldn't go away,
that was before i reluctantly responded out of curiosity to him.
i often had mutuals messaging me to become closer, but something about George was different. we talked for a few hours and i thought that would be the last of it.
but that night i couldn't shake the thought of him out of my head, he was like everyone else i had talked to. that was until he kept on messaging me, i eventually warmed up to him.
we've only known each other for a few days now but i feel like i've known him forever. we immediately clicked, we nearly had no common interests, we listened to each other. he was affectionate, very affectionate; but i didn't mind that.
although i wasn't used to such attention, he brought something out in me, a side of me i never knew i had. i was more friendly to people, i talked more. after a few days he confessed feelings for me. at the time i wouldn't have dared to say i was anything other than straight.
deep down i knew i was trying to be someone i wasn't. while still using that label, i told him i liked him as well, my true feelings. i opened up to him about my sexuality and he proclaimed he had the same struggle.
something small like that indefinitely brought us together. everything just felt so perfect with him, we fit like yin and yang. it felt like i've known him forever, his love for me was the one thing i needed.
it turned into feb and i was becoming more and more distant. i couldn't even answer why. the easy answer is to say that i was scared of him leaving me so i left first. it definitely wasn't that. it was something deeper. my own insecurities. i couldn't take it anymore.
he deserved so much better than what i could ever give him, so i left george for his own good. he was devastated, i didn't even know if i was making the right choice. i was so scared of him seeing the real me.
he would sometimes message me asking if i'm doing ok and if i've eaten. i would give a one word answer or most of the time leave him on read. i was back to my old stubborn cold self.
his birthday was at 2/2/20. i didn't wish him a happy birthday at all. i pretended he didn't exist. that he meant nothing to me. a few weeks go by and we hear nothing of each other. i assumed we both moved on. good.
