Running for My Undead Life

Chapter 16: Ready or Not

As the hours passed and our routine walks put us at ease, I found myself contemplating staying more and more. Spencer had fallen asleep about six hours ago. He could wake up at any minute and I would have to know what I'm going to do. I was sitting right in front of the couch, staring at Lena as she slept peacefully. Logan's words were on replay in my head, "I wouldn't leave her side. Not for a minute." It was easy for him to say, Nikki is dead. He will never be in the position I'm in now. Of course I don't want to leave her side. I never have. It's just about making sure she stays alive. It's not like I haven't thought about just running away with her and never looking back. I mean, I did that on the drive out here. I want to be with her. I want to make the selfish decision. But I know if I do, she might lose her life and I'm not selfish enough to let that happen. I sighed to myself. I was getting nowhere. An hour ago, I had convinced myself to stay with her, but now I'm not so sure. I leaned back against the wooden coffee table and brought my knees to my chest. I closed my eyes, hoping that if I couldn't actually see Lena, maybe I would be able to think more clearly. But, as soon as my eyes closed, laughter filled my head and I found myself staring into emerald, green eyes with the sound of ocean waves crashing in front of me. "You're ridiculous, Artemis," Lena's voice filled my head. I stared at her with a goofy smile on my face. "Oh, come on, you know you think I'm the hottest girl at school," I teased. She rolled her eyes and pushed me playfully with her shoulder, though a blush filled her cheeks. The memory faded away, but I couldn't keep the smile off my face. What I would give to be back on that beach with her, so young and carefree, our whole relationship ahead of us. Another memory started to occupy my thoughts, but it wasn't nearly as happy.

I was alone and it was my birthday. I had no one to share the moment with, not even Cassie. I was sitting in a dirty motel room, thinking about my old life. Wondering where Lena was, if she was thinking about me. If she even remembered what day it was. I cried, as I thought back to years before, when her family had invited me over and wore little party hats as we celebrated. Lena's soft snores brought me back to reality. Could I really go back to that? Being alone, knowing what I could've had if I had made different choices. She told me how it would be if I left her again. Forgiving me once was difficult enough, it's not likely that she can do it again. If I go, I'm choosing to live my life without her. I looked down at my watch. It was time for the next perimeter check. I stood and began walking towards the door, Logan behind me. Just as we walked outside Spencer came out, yawning and stretching. "You guys should've woken me sooner," he said. Logan was watching me, wondering how much I would say to Spencer. "I want you well rested. To look after Lena," I didn't look at Logan as I spoke. I had made a decision and though it would be difficult, I wanted to be strong in my resolve. "You two go ahead and do the check, I'll grab our stuff and get the car ready," I said to both of them as I reentered the house. Lena was still asleep on the couch. I grabbed my backpack and Logan's. We wouldn't need anything else until we got back to California. I stared at Lena from the front door. I didn't want to get any closer, too scared to wake her up. I would cherish these past few days with her for the rest of my life. I hadn't expected them to happen, and I wouldn't have chosen to spend our time together like this, but I was just happy I got to see her again. I wasn't sure it would ever happen. I knew this would be it. I wouldn't get to see her become a doctor, build a family, grow old. I would never get to hear her tell me she loves me again or hear her laugh. This was the end. After this, I would officially be the ex who broke her heart too many times. A single tear fell down my cheek as I put my hand on the doorknob. My lips trembled as I pushed the door open and walked out. Logan was sitting in the driver's seat of Lena's car, waiting patiently for me. Spencer stood right next to it with a solemn smile on his face.

He pulled me in for a hug as I approached. "Things will work out, sis. I know you're worried, but Lena loves you. No matter what she says. It's clear as day. She'll forgive you when it's all said and done. You just have to focus on coming out of this alive, okay? Not just for her, but for all of us." I nodded my head. I didn't have the stomach to try and speak. His words about Lena didn't comfort me at all. He had no idea what she had said to me earlier. That if I left again, that was it. No more forgiveness. And if that were true, I wasn't really too focused on coming out alive as much as destroying the hunters for the role they took in ruining my life. He pulled away, his hands resting on my shoulders, keeping me in place. He stared at me for a few seconds, like it was physically hard to let me go. And maybe it was. Looking into his eyes now, I could see how he was affected by me leaving all those years ago. I had been so focused on Lena that I hadn't even considered how he might feel about seeing me. "I love you, Spence," I said to him sincerely as I pulled myself out of his grip and opened the car door. I tossed our bags into the back and hopped into the passenger seat. Logan put the car in reverse and began backing away slowly. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back onto the seat. My body was shaking fighting the urge to get out and run back to her. "No." I jerked my head up, looking at Logan. Had I spoken my thoughts out loud? Why did he say no? "No." He wasn't speaking as I heard it again. I looked out of the windshield towards the house. Standing in the doorway was Lena. She stumbled out, into the dirt. Her voice was so soft and low as she spoke. Eerily calm compared to her other outbursts. It was the voice of defeat, as she realized what was happening. "You promised," I heard her say. Logan had stopped the car as he stared at me, waiting to see what I would do. Spencer wasn't moving as he watched her walk towards us, slowly. He was probably too stunned to stop her. I looked at Logan, fear in my eyes. We were supposed to leave without her knowing, which was hard enough. Leaving with her watching would be torture. His eyes showed pity. We both knew there was nothing he could do to help me. I opened the door and got out. I didn't close it as I planned on coming right back.