Storms of the Heart

Chapter Nineteen

A few weeks past, and I begin to force myself out of my room, to socialize with Steve and Nolena, not fully my choice, but it has helped a little, in finding my new normal. In some ways, it provides me comfort to see the memory of Loki walking down the halls or his smell, that I remember, when thinking about him. I still feel his phantom touches from time to time, which helps me continue to push through. In a way, I feel he is still with me.

How can you feel like you are lost but still alive? I am here lost in two worlds. The world that had Loki and the world that I have to live without him. How do you create a new normal from this?

"Good morning, Y/N! I made my famous pancakes, would you like to join us? I got your favorite syrup." Steve asks, through my front door. You can hear the excitement from his voice. "Oh, yes! I'm starving!" I yell back looking forward to eating. "Be careful though, I might eat all the pancakes on how hungry I am." I laugh. 

"Well, that sounds like a plan because I made extra!" Steve laughs back. I quickly finish putting on my make up and begin placing my long hair in a scrunchie. I begin to study myself in the mirror, looking at myself in my favorite hoodie, and yoga pants. I found in the last week that I have been becoming bloated and can't seem to lose these few pounds I gained. I am becoming more self conscious from it. It is just one more thing I have to worry about.

After checking myself for a few moments, I begin to head to the kitchen. As I smell the pancakes, in the hall my stomach begins to turn. I force myself to continue towards the kitchen.

As I enter the kitchen, I find Natasha, Steve, Nolena, and Bruce, waiting for me to eat. They all turn and watch as I enter.

As they continue to watch me, I head to the island and grab my plate, to begin adding the fruit, eggs, and pancakes, but as I stand by the pancakes, I feel vomit begin to rise in my throat. I quickly let down the plate and run back to my room. 

Thankfully, I make it to the toilet and begin to vomit. What in the world is going on?

As I continue to vomit, my stomach continues to flip. I begin to hug the toilet, as I continue to vomit, hoping it will go away. 

Once the vomiting stops, I study myself in the mirror and clean up my face. 

That was weird. 

After I clean myself up, I force myself to enter the kitchen again, but find my stomach is still flipping by the smell of the pancakes. I grab my plate and place the pancakes back and only grab the fruit and eggs. As I head to the table, I see that everyone is watching my every move. 

I sit next to Nolena, who gives me a sweet smile and whispers, "You getting sick, sweetheart?" You look around and relived that the team returned to their conversations, not focusing on you anymore. 

"I have no idea, but whatever it is, I don't like it." I giggle, a little uncomfortable. "Let's go to my lab and see what is going on, after we eat. Would you be ok with doing that?" Nolena asks, giving you a tender smile, trying to make you feel comfortable. 

"Yes, let's do that." I smile in return, as I force myself to eat the eggs, as my stomach continues to turn. 

I look over and see that Natasha continues to watch you, as you eat. "How are the eggs? I tried but I know they aren't as good as you make them." Natasha laughs nervously. "They are good, Natasha." I smile to her. "It's good to see you again. I have missed you, my rebel friend." Natasha states, as she makes her way further down the table to sit across from you and Nolena. 

"It's nice to see you too," I sigh, smiling at her. "How are you and Bruce doing?" I ask, trying to keep the attention from myself and my vomit episode.