Cornelia Street - Jaylor one-shots

come back... be here

August 2018

-Taylors Pov-

I'm on my tour bus, in the early morning hours, about an hour away from Toronto where my next show of the reputation stadium tour is tonight. My mom is here with me on the bus, but I've never felt so alone in my life. Touring is exhausting and trilling at the same time. I love seeing my fans and listen to them scream the lyrics back at me, but I can't help but miss Joe like crazy. This tour is long with about 160 concerts, and I know joe will only be at a few of them, but that's just the reality of my job.

Usually, the distance in a relationship doesn't bother me, but with Joe things are different than ever before. Every time we are apart I long for him, his strong embrace, loving kisses, and warmth. Yes, we talk on the phone and text a lot but it's just not the same.

The last several days my mood has just been going down and I feel the depression setting in which have resulted in me being withdrawn from everyone and just not acting like myself. Thankfully I don't think my fans have noticed because I'm pretty good at putting on a smile on stage, but the people that truly know me can see the pain in my eyes.

"Taylor? We aren't that far away from the stadium now. Are you ready?" my mom says from outside the curtains of my bunk "yeah. I'm ready" I say with a cold voice and sigh.

Eventually I manage to drag myself out from my little dark bed and into the seating area where my mom is patiently waiting for me. I try to force a smile, but it doesn't reach my eyes, that has become impossible these days.

"Taylor, I'm worried about you. something is going on and you're not talking to anyone about it. This isn't healthy, something is wrong. Why aren't you talking to me, you always do that" she sighs and lay a hand on my arm.

I know I've pushed her away, but it's just that I don't want to admit how much I miss Joe because I don't want him to find out just how much I'm struggling. If he finds out I know he will feel bad and that's not fair on him. He is in between projects now but he is based in London so he can't be here right now, and I totally get that. when I decided to go into this relationship with him I knew that it would bring its challenges and that distance is a factor. I know I chose this life, and I'm eternally grateful for my success, but I can't help but long for the concept of a normal life where we could spend more time together. that was what was so amazing about the start of our relationship when I was hiding out in London and got to spend so much time with him.

"I'm fine" I shrug and reach for my phone to scroll through Tumblr, but my mom grabs my phone and put it down on the table "Taylor, let's not do that. tell me. or have you at least told joe?" she is clearly not letting this go.

"God no I can't tell him" I sigh and cover my face with my hands "it's just that I miss him so much that it's affecting my mood and just my will to do anything. I didn't know it was possible to miss someone this much" tears roll down my face and I look up at my mom "it has never been this hard before to be separated for a boyfriend. He is just different. But I can't tell him how much I'm struggling because that's not fair on him"

"Taylor, it's perfectly okay to miss him. I know you love him. But I'm sure if you told him he would have some comforting words for you, or maybe he could get on a flight here" she rubs my back.

Logically I know all this, but it's just that I don't want to be a clingy girlfriend. I should be able to do this long-distance thing without turning into a complete mess all the fucking time. "I just can't mom"

***

I'm on stage and it's time to sing the acoustic wildcard song of the night. My fans encouraged me to sing old songs I haven't sung in a while and that was a really good idea, so I went for it. Tonight I've chosen a special song that really tell how I'm feeling right now.