Cornelia Street - Jaylor one-shots

And you call me up again just to break me like a promise

-Taylors Pov-

The sadness lingers around me as I sit in my bedroom looking out at the busy streets of New York. There are moments in life that makes things take a turn for the better or worse, those kind of life defining moments, and there are also people in our life that are like that. for me, that thing, that person, is love. love brings the strongest emotions out of you, it's madness and happiness at the same time. you can't get the good sides, the passion without the frustration that counterpart it. the defining moments that make a relationship survive through the hard times is that the happy emotions outweigh the bad once. If they don't outweigh them, you have a couple of options about what to do with that unstable relationship. You can end it like a sane person would, you could pretend that things are working like so many do, or lastly you could take the carousel on the maddening ride before everything crashes and burns.

I know if I was thinking clearly I would pick the first option, the one that protects my heart and my sanity, but like usual I don't do that. I'm 27 years old but I don't seem to ever learn from my mistakes. Time and time again I give myself to someone who can't return what I need. But that's the thing though, I get something, I get a certain amount of passion and excitement that I crave so much. The high of the ride make me forget the pain the inevitable crash will cause.

So once again I find myself pining for a boy who keeps playing with my heart, a boy who can't commit. I know that my life is crazy, and anyone would be absolutely mad for getting into the fishbowl with me, but I want to still believe in love. I'm an eternal hopeless romantic that believe that my prince is out there. On the other hand, I know that that's a childish idea of how love is, maybe we are supposed to take the pain with the good in relationships? Isn't that what adulthood is all about?

The thing though, is that for months now I've been on a carousel with this boy that is the best and worst thing at the same time. I've fallen like I never have before, but he keeps on letting me down and then apologizing for it. I've seen this story before, and I didn't like the ending, but I can't seem to run away from him.

Joe is full of adventure and new energy, but he is also distant, hesitant and keep on letting me down. He makes promises and then break them. He says the best things and then turn around and says the worst thing. If I was sane I would have ended it for good, but I just can't seem to shake him.

He left my apartment a couple of hours ago. He was wonderful and made me feel special, then we had sex and after a quick nap he was out the door without as much as one loving word. It was just a simple "I will see you around I guess". This is not usually what I do, I don't do casual sex and relationships with no strings but I just can't seem to say no to him. He is like a drug I can't get enough off. So, I keep setting myself up knowing I will end up like a crumbled piece of paper in the corner of the room that just want someone to realize that it's worth something.

In the beginning things were good. he was always around and constantly showering me with affection, but now I know that there are other girls that he can't seem to let go off. He doesn't want to choose even though I've tried to say several times that "this is the last time I can do this without being exclusive" or a simple "I can't do that again". There is something about him that makes me forget about all my self-preservation and survival instinct, it's like I'm a blinded puppy following his every word.

I'm dragged out of my train of thought by my phone lighting up, it's selena and I pick up with a big sigh.

"Hey Tay, how are you today?" her cheerful tone comes through my phone.

"Hi selena, I'm fine I guess. How are you?" I ask back trying to change the topic away from me.

"Oh Taylor. he was there again, wasn't he?" she says clearly knowing what went down, she really knows me, and we have spent endless hours talking about him.