Cornelia Street - Jaylor one-shots

the doors are closing

-taylors pov- 

We are currently laying on the couch of our la house watching the tv. Ever since the pandemic started to make its way towards our side of the word we have had the tv on just in case there are some news we need to know. This is a strange situation to be in because never in my life would I have imagined I would live to see a pandemic. Pandemics are things we read about in history and science books at school, but we never thought we would see one ourselves. I remember reading about the black death that killed thousands of people years ago, it was scary to even think about. But now this virus that originated in China is starting to appear here in the western world. I was hoping it was going to turn into something like Ebola that never really had an outbreak in our part of the world, but boy was I wrong. 

The new headline that flashes across the screen is "the borders are closing" both the US and England are closing their borders. For a lot of English or American people this isn't that big of a deal, but for us it is. We have properties in both countries and more importantly our families are in separate countries. 

I sit up from my spot on joes chest and lay my head in my hands "what the fuck do we do now" I say and take a deep breath to try to suppress a pending panic attack that I can feel growing in my chest. Joe sits up too and start to rub circles on my small back. "I don't know what to say Taylor" he mumbles and there is a long pause before either one of us say anything. 

Looking up at him I wipe away the stray tear that have rolled down my cheek "i can't go back to the UK joe. My mom... if she gets worse I won't be able to get back here... I can't... I.... we don't know how long this is going to last, I just can't risk it" I say and profusely wipe under my eyes. "But I can't force you to stay here either. Your family and friends are there, and we don't know how long you would potentially be separated from them. I can't ask you to make that sacrifice, it's not fair on your or them" I say and lean against the back of the couch and give him the time he needs to figure out what he is going to say next. 

"Taylor... sure my family is there, but you're here and you're family too. Leaving you here is not an option for me" he says and lay a hand on my thigh and with the other hand he caresses my cheek and brush my hair behind my ear. 

Tears start to flow again "i can't... I can't let you do this joe... it's not fair... but this is---" i start to say but he holds up a finger signaling me to stop "no Taylor, I'm serious. I'm not leaving you here. We are doing this like we do anything else, we are doing this together and that's final. Sure, I will miss my family but at this point in my life you're more important to me. I'm not going to be separated from my fiancé if I don't have to, that's not an option ever" he says and pull me into his lap, and I wrap my arms around his neck and burrow my head in the crock of his neck. 

I bawl my eyes out, not just because of the fact that he wants to stay here with me but also the fact that the situation we are in right now is scary. We don't know how long this virus will stay and we don't know the extent of the potential damages it can do to all and every part of the world we live in. We don't know if we will come out on the other end of this with the same kind of world we had before. There is so much uncertainty in this situation that it makes me really stressed. I'm a notorious planner, and this isn't something I can plan or predict at all. For me there has always been a need to control my life and my career to have some peace of mind, but now that is being pulled out from under me. And there also isn't anything I can do about it, I'm not a doctor, an immunologist or a scientist, there is literally nothing I can do other than to hang tight. In this moment I feel absolutely useless and purposeless. 

We don't know how long this lockdown is going to last. We don't know if this will affect my tour this summer. What if I won't be able to go on the lover tour? I've been looking forward to it and I know my fans have too. Even though I can't control it I don't want to disappoint them either. In the grand scheme of things though this is a superficial problem, people are dying all around us and I know that. It's just hard for me because I just want to please people and make them happy, but now I'm not in control of anything that can affect that.