|2nd Book in The Devil May Care Series|
They're more alike than they think.
At war with himself, Loki struggles to get his life on track. He struggles with manic depression-in other words, bipolar. He feels alone, trapped in his own mind as he refus...
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I rest my head against the door of my room, trying to calm down and distract myself from what I really want.
I had came straight home after dropping Rico off, driving right past my school without a second thought. Everything was loud in my ears, and my skull fucking pounded. My emotions were high, I could feel it as my hands shook with the need to relapse. I straighten up as I run my hands through my hair, my eyes running over every inch of my room in search for something I shouldn't be searching for.
My brows furrow when I can't. I can't find anything as I roam around my room, shoving everything out the way but I can't find shit. Panic claws at my insides, where was it? I search the bed. Nothing. The closet. Nothing. My desk. Nothing. Shoe boxes and hoodies. Fucking nothing. "Come on. Come on. Where is it?" I whisper, on the brink of losing my mind because I needed something to shut everything off.
"I threw it out."
My eyes clench shut at my brothers voice, "You threw what out, Lucas?" When I turn around, he's looking at me with resentment burning bright in those dark arises. It was so uncommon for me and Lucas to fight especially since we use to do everything together but it seems like fighting is all we do. "What the fuck did you throw out?" I growl, my body shaking in anger.
"Everything. I threw your drugs down the toilet." Lucas spits, "Look at you, you look like your about to fucking cry just because you can't get high." He tells me, moving closer. "I did you a favor, you have fucking drugs in the bed you were sharing with Eris!"
My fist flies up in a flash as I swing it across his face, "Why can't you just leave me alone?!" I yell, fisting the collar of his shirt in my fists. "Just leave me the fuck alone!" I shove him against the wall, unable to stop myself even when the little voice in the back of my head is telling me to stop hurting my little brother.
His face screws up as if he's in pain, "No!" He shouts, shoving me back. "You're my brother! I won't let you ruin your life!" He cries, tears streaming down his face. "Please stop. Please, I'm begging you not to fuck up your life."
My ears ring, "The only thing fucking up my life is you." It leaves my mouth like poison and he stumbles back in hurt. "Just you, Lucas. Always you." You're hurting your little brother. The voice in my head screams. The little boy you helped raise but I can't find it in my to apologize and take it back. I need him to get away from me.
I stare at Lucas, trying to find the words to apologize as I watch tears stream down his face. He's begging me to stop getting high like he begged papá. He's scared and he just wants his big brother is what a little part of me screams but then the bigger part of me hates can't stand to even look at him, "I hate you." I whisper, chest cracking wide open as I watch his heart break. "I hate you!" I shout, more angry at myself than I am him.
Azrael storms into the room, "What's going on?" She worries, her eyes moving between the both of us before taking in the messy state of my room.
We don't pay attention to her, "Yeah?" He breathes, his voice shaking as he searches my eyes. "You know what I think?"
