Remorseful Enticement

Pleasure 9

Napabalikwas ako ng bangon, because the first thing that crossed my mind is about last night. Inalala ko pa kung panaginip lang, but I feel a little sore down there. I sat for a minute remembering everything that happened last night.

I stepped out of the room hoping to find him in the kitchen, pero wala siya doon. Hinanap ko siya hanggang makarating ako sa may duyan sa labas, where I'd call Vi sometimes. Nakatalikod siya at may kausap. He's speaking english.

"I don't want anything to do with you. My Papa is dead and I don't want any connections with you." Although his Filipino accent is strong, he speaks english well. Hindi ko lang alam kung sino ang kausap niya, so I continued eavesdropping. "We needed you before, but you're cold-hearted. My Mama pleaded and even begged on her knees, but you stayed stingy. With all due respect, I'm hanging up now."

Tumalikod siya, and that's when he saw me. His irritated face instantly faded, and was replaced with a happy one. Lumapit siya sa akin.

"Magandang umaga. Kanina ka pa?" he asked.

I shook my head. "No. Hinanap kita kasi wala ka sa kitchen."

"Gutom ka na ba? Nagluto na ako kanina."

Ngumiti na lang ako sa kaniya and went to the kitchen. His conversation with the person on the phone earlier really bothers me. Halata sa tono niyang galit siya or naiinis. I'm curious lang, who could drive Theo that mad, na kahit sa phone lang sila nag-uusap ay parang galit na galit siya.

"Hoy!" malakas na sabi niya sabay pitik sa noo ko. "Tulala ka? May masakit sa 'yo?"

"Wala. May naisip lang." I'm actually glad na hindi awkward ang atmosphere, despite of what we did.

"Okay. Maupo ka na lang muna, ipagsasandok na kita." Naglapag siya ng kanin at ulam sa lamesa, before getting us plates and utensils.

"What's that?" Turo ko sa ulam.

"Adobo. Huwag mong sabihing hindi ka pa nakatikim niyan?"

"Nanny cooks that sometimes, but I don't know the name."

"Tikman mo. Masarap 'yan, parang ako." He grinned widely like a madman.

I raised my brow at him. "Where did you get that?"

"Hindi ba? Sumigaw-sigaw ka nga kagabi, e'. Narinig daw tayo ng kapitbahay."

"Oh, fuck off, Theo. Mahapdi pa rin 'yong ginawa mo!"

Tumawa lang siya at nilagay ang pagkain ko sa table. "Kain na, sungit!"

I took a small bite from the chicken. Napatango-tango pa ako habang kumakain. "Wow, it's delicious! You made this?"

He looked at me as if I said something dumb. "May iba pa bang nagluluto sa bahay na 'to, Cali?"

"Sorry naman. You don't have to be rude, you know?" Tumahimik kami at nagpatuloy sa pagkain, but curiosity was killing me, so I broke the silence. "Sino'ng kausap mo kanina? You looked mad."

Matagal siyang hindi sumagot. He stared at his food for a while and then looked at me. "Ayaw ko nang pag-usapan."

"Can I ask you something personal, Theo?"

"Sige lang," sagot niya.

"What happened to your parents?"

May dumaang lungkot sa mukha niya, for the first time, I felt sad and guilty. "Wala na sila. Namatay pareho dahil sa hirap ng buhay."

"What? Maayos naman 'tong house mo. Sa kanila ba 'to before?"

He nodded. "Hindi naman sa sobrang hirap namin, pero si Papa ko noon, may maayos na trabaho. Kaya nga, tingnan mo naman ang bahay ko ngayon. Hindi masikip, pero hindi rin malaki. May dalawang kuwarto, para sa mga magulang ko at sa akin. Iyong kuwarto mo ngayon, sa akin talaga 'yon. Ayaw ko sanang doon sa kuwarto nila Mama manatili, pero masikip doon kaya, no choice. Kahit papa'no, medyo maayos ang buhay namin."

"What happened?"

"Nagkasakit si Papa, wala kaming pera para sa bills ng ospital."

Napaisip ako saglit. "But I thought he had a nice job. How did that happen? Wala ba silang savings?"

He shook his head and drank some water. "Lahat ng pera ni Papa, napunta sa tuition ko, at sa pagpapaganda dito sa bahay. Nagpakahirap din siyang bayaran 'tong lupang kinatatayuan ng bahay. Noong first year college ako, wala na siya. Sinubukan pa naming umutang sa kung sino-sino, at umabot pa sa puntong lumuhod na si Mama sa kanila, pero wala. Noong huling taon ng college, nawala na rin si Mama." He cleared his throat. "Nagkaroon yata ng depression noong nawala si Papa, kaya napabayaan ang sarili, ayon... nagkasakit siya."

"But you're in college back then, bakit hindi mo tinuloy? Or mali ako? Did you finish college, Theo?"

He shook his head. "Last sem na noong mangyari 'yon. Mahal ang binayaran ko sa punerariya, kaya hindi ko nabayaran 'yong tuition fee ko. Hindi ko na rin ginustong bumalik."

"Why not? You could have a better life."

"Tss." He chuckled. "Para saan pa? Kaya lang naman ako nag-aral noon para mabigyan ng magandang buhay ang mga magulang ko, e'."

"How about your future family? No offense, Theo, but you could do better than this."

"Grabe ka, parang minamaliit mo ang pagiging hardinero ko."

"It's not that! It's a decent job, but if you could do better, then just do it!"

Tumayo siya at nag-iwas ng tingin. He got himself a cup of coffee before he sat down again. "Wala akong balak magkapamilya, Cali. Bukod sa alam kong hindi ako magiging mabuting asawa, hindi ko mabibigyan ng magandang buhay ang anak ko. At isa pa, kinamumuhian ko ang pera."

He's right. Having a family isn't always having kids. I should know... My parents weren't always there for me kahit naibibigay nila lahat ng needs and wants ko. Their presence is important, but you also need to give them their needs. In Theo's situation, alam kong mahihirapan siya. He's a husband material na sana, pero parang wala siyang pangarap sa buhay niya. If he lives, then that's enough.

"May tanong ka pa?" he asked.

"Wala na. Thanks for answering."

He nodded then put his dirty dishes in the sink. "Pagkatapos mo, maghugas ka na lang at magwalis dito."

Pumayag na lang ako sa kaniya. Arguing may not be the best idea at this moment. "One more thing!" pahabol ko sa kaniya.

"Ano?"

"I already know how to clean the house naman na, so can you teach me how to cook?"

Walang gana siyang tumango. "Sige, sa susunod na lang. May gagawin pa ako. Iwan muna kita."

Before he could leave, I ran towards him and gave him a hug. "I know your life wasn't easy. I could never imagine being in your shoes. I admire you for being a strong person, Theo."

He patted my back. "Oo na, tama na 'yan. Hindi bagay sa 'yo, Cali. Mas gusto ko kapag nagsusungit ka, pero salamat."