Remorseful Enticement

Pleasure 31

Six long months of staying in Los Angeles, and I'm finally back to the Philippines. Kahit na maayos na ako at naka-recover na mula sa hip surgery na ginawa sa akin ay todo alalay pa rin si Mommy sa akin. Ang akala ko  dati ay dito lang ako sa Manila iuuwi, pero sa America na ako inoperahan. Dad, on the other hand, stayed here and sent money for Theo's burial.

From the car, I scanned the whole place. Walang nagbago, medyo traffic pa rin naman. May mga nahahagip akong nagbebenta sa gilid-gilid. Doon pa lang ay ang dami ko nang naaalala.

Mula noong umalis kami ay wala na akong balita kay Theo. I called Nanny Maring once and asked her about him. Ang sabi niya ay hindi na siya nakauwi sa probinsiya kaya hindi siya nakapunta sa burol nito. After that, I never dared to ask about him ever again.

Ang pinanghahawakan ko na lang ngayon ay ang mga salita niya. He told me he loves me, and that's the important thing. Some of my guy friends from college asked if they could date me, but Theo set the standards high. I could never see myself with other guys than him.

"Mom, puntahan ko muna si Vi, puwede?" I asked.

Mom looked at me with a worried expression. "Hindi ba puwedeng bukas na lang? Ilang oras din 'yong flight natin, and you should rest."

"Mabilis lang naman ako, Mom. Uuwi rin ako kaagad. I just miss her so much."

Kahit na mukhang nag-aalangan, tumango pa rin si Mommy. Medyo malapit lang ang subdivision namin sa kaniya kaya hindi na nahirapan pa sa route. I kissed Mom goodbye as I got out of the car. I pressed the doorbell a few times before I heard Vi's ear-splitting voice.

"Oh my God!" she screamed when she saw me. She pulled me in for a tight hug, pero kaagad ding bumitaw. "Wala naman akong na-damage ma buto sa higpit ng yakap ko, 'no?"

I chuckled. "Bitch, it's not like my bones are made of twigs. Fully recovered na ako."

"Let's go inside. It's hot out here, or that's just me?"

"Paanong hindi mainit, e' pugad ito ng demonyo?" biro ko habang naglalakad.

"The fuck? Since when do you talk like that?"

I smiled bitterly. Naalala ko na naman iyong mga asaran namin. Everytime he'd lose, he will call me 'maldita.' I shook that thought off.

"I'm gonna be sweet just this once. I missed you, Vivien."

She pouted and sat beside me. "I missed you, too. I'm sorry I couldn't be there when you needed me. Kumusta ka na?"

My heart raced, and I bit my lower lip. I tried to keep my voice steady and whispered, "I miss him, Vi."

"Let it out. I'll listen."

"Wala na siya. I talked to Nanny, and she said Theo did not survive the accident. They buried his body beside his parents'. His close friends took care of everything, at tumulong na rin si Dad." I sobbed, and she held my hand. "Before the accident, I promised him na babalikan ko siya. Pero ngayon, ayaw ko nang bumalik sa lugar kung saan ko siya iniwan."

"He really meant everything to you, huh?"

"He's my first everything. He was my happiness, and although I knew that everything is temporary, pinaglaban ko siya. He was my guilty pleasure, pero hindi ko akalaing puro pasakit ang iiwan niya."

"I don't know how to comfort you. I couldn't imagine the pain, Cali."

"I just want to move on, but it feels wrong. Ayaw kong kalimutan ang kaisa-isang lalaking tumanggap nang buo sa akin."

"Just because you're moving on, doesn't mean you're forgetting about him. Let go of the pain, Cali. He's in a better place."

"No! The only place he should be, is beside me. Magkasama dapat kami."

She consoled me as I cry my heart out. For months, I've been trying to stay strong. Hindi dapat ako magmukhang mahina sa harapan ng iba, but I'm not that strong. I cried and cried to my heart's desire, after that, umuwi na rin ako. Pakiramdam ko ay gusto nang bumagsak ng katawan ko.

Hinatid ako ni Vi. Sinabi niyang bibisitahin niya ako bago umalis. As usual, Dad is at work. Mom is still resting, kaya si Nanny ang sumalubong sa akin. She greeted me with a warm smile.

"Kumusta ang America, anak?" she asked.

"Maganda naman po. Naging maganda ang stay ko."

"E' ang nanggaling sa America, kumusta?"

I smiled. "Can we talk about that some other time po? I was planning to take a rest, e'."

"Sige na nga, hindi na kita guguluhin. Magpahinga ka na at mamaya lang ay magluluto na ako."

I nodded, then remembered something. "Do we have ingredients for adobo?"

"Wala na, anak. Bakit, iyon ba ang gusto mong iluto ko? Puwede naman akong mamili ngayon na."

"Tomorrow na lang, Nay... Can I call you Nanay?"

She smiled, as if she is really touched by what I said. "Oo naman, anak. Puwede mo akong tawagin sa kahit ano'ng gusto mo."

I walked towards her and hugged her. I sense that she stiffened, but recovered fast. Ever since I was young, Nanay took care of me. One thing I learned from what happened is to appreciate everyone around you.

"Kung may problema ka, o may masakit sa 'yo, andito lang si Nanay," she said.

"Opo." I stepped away from her. "Thank you, Nay. Puwedeng tabihan ninyo ako hanggang makatulog ako?"

Pumayag naman siya at sinamahan nga niya ako hanggang sa kuwarto ko. She sat beside my bed and stroked my hair. Habang nakapikit ay inaalala ko ang lahat ng nangyari. I hated his place when I got there. The bed was hard, everything irritated me. Life in Pangasinan is hard. I thought I would be happy once I get home. Now, I'm finally back, lying in my comfortable bed. The mattress is soft, but I'm not okay with this. This is not my home anymore.

I fell asleep reminiscing about the past, and for the hundredth time, Theo and I were happy in my dreams. This makes me want to wish that I should've just died with him.

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Sorry for the lack of updates. I'm revising Way Back Home po kasi. Also, if I publish a story of mine into a physical book, may interested bang bumili?
(Bili kayo para mabuhay si Theo HAHAHA)