A Different Kind Of Love Triangle

Chapter 10: Aiden (Part-II).

September 4th 2017, Monday.

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[This chapter is from Aiden's point of view]

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(My eyes fluttered open as light poured into the room. Even though the curtains were on, it was too bright. With a grunt I sat up.
Last night's memories slowly creeping in..
"Love.."
That word was stuck on my brain like a gum.
"Did I say something..?"
Rubbing my eyes I finally got up and stepped into the living room.
Nathan was sitting on the table, doing homework? Or something like that, he wore a white a cotton long sleeved t-shirt and had his glasses on. I always told him the glasses look cute on him but he doesn't find them really appealing.
As he heard me come in, he whipped his head towards me)

Nathan: Oh, you're up early for someone who was so hungover.
(He said sarcastically and took a sip of his coffee,
I assumed it was coffee because he doesn't really like tea.
I shuffled like a penguin and sat in front of him)

Are you feeling better? (He asked sincerely)
After you ate dinner I gave you some medicine.

Aiden: Yeah.. (I looked around as the place felt a little empty. quickly realizing why, I asked.)
Where's N?

Nathan: Attending classes..
I didn't wanna leave you alone especially since you were so hungover, well he didn't either. But someone had to go, and I needed to work on this thesis.
So he went, don't worry he'll be taking notes.
And for the classes we don't share, I'll figure something out.

Aiden: You didn't have to, I was not THAT hungover.

Nathan: Sure. (He rolled his eyes and smirked)

Aiden: What thesis are you working on?

Nathan: Oh, It's for psychology. (He gasps)
Tell me how this title sounds.
*Ahem* "Dancing with our thoughts"
Eh?

Aiden: Sounds good to me. (He smiles and focuses back on his thesis)
Umm.. Did I say something stupid?
(Nathan looked at me with a confused look)

Nathan: Hmm?

Aiden: Yesterday.. did I say something stupid?
(He chuckles)

Nathan: I don't think so..? Did you?
(Was he playing it off or he actually had no idea what I was referring to..?
He notices my furrowed brows)
If you're thinking that you insulted me while drunk or not.. Well, you called me "fragile" but.. It's okay, I'm not angry.

(Okay so the latter..
His phone lights up, Nathan looks at it, his brows knit as he picks it up and puts it to his ear)

Good morning.
. . Mhm I'm free, why?
. . .
Okay.. I am on my way.
(With a sigh he puts it in his pocket and gets up)

Gotta go, Zoe needs help with something,
Are you sure you're alright?
(I nodded)
Good, Okay the cereal is in that third kitchen cabinet.
Go take a shower you'll feel better.
(He ruffled my hair, gathered his things in his backpack and opened the door)
Bye!
(With that he was gone..)

"Love.."
(Whenever I think about that word, only three things come to mind.
The first was "confusion".
My love life has been kind of rocky,
I was popular, people would wanna go out with me.. but it would lead nowhere..
I had a few relationships but they all fell out.
It wasn't even their fault, it was mine..
I let my dad's words get to me..
I was so closed off that people who tried to break my walls, decided that walking away was easier..
And I can't blame them..
People think of me as this friendly guy. But that's just a husk. That's the image I wanna portray, and I have been successful in it.
And the two other words..
Well that would be "Nathan" and "Endrik"..
All they do is drown me in love.
Before meeting them I was this stereotypical jock who had no weakness, this jock was confident, hot and friendly, that's what I wanted to be..
Yet I was so unhappy with that husk..
But Nathan and Endrik made me realize that it's okay to feel what I felt..
It's okay to be vulnerable..
It's okay to.. love who I loved..
I wanted to be perfect so badly, and that made me brush aside my feelings towards men..
Society is so hell-bent on "Straight" being the perfect sexuality, so I stuck with it..
I made these walls around guys so I don't see how much I like them, so I can validate only being in love with women because that's "perfect"..
But slowly that wall had been crumbling..
It's shattered at this point and that's only because of them..
They don't realize how much they mean to me, how much they have helped me..
They are the reason I wanted to help Leah in the first place, I wanted to be like them..
But that's because I don't tell them..
I keep everything inside so I can be the perfect rock they would lean on when they need support..
"Am I in.. love with both of them..?"
I ask myself all the time.. and the answer is..
Yeah.. My point is I would be happy with any of them..
"Do they feel the same..?"
I honestly don't know..
N is always flirty, so I can never tell.. but sometimes he looks at me like he's in awe, like everything he ever wanted is in front of him.
And Nathan.. Nathan had never talked about his sexuality, but I assumed he is a straight guy..
But.. Sometimes he would blush..
Sometimes his eyes would sparkle..
Sometimes I see him staring at me..
But there's no way they both have feelings towards me, that's just not logical..
It's not.. it's just a fantasy and I don't wanna let myself down when this dream doesn't come true..
But I plan to tell one of them soon..
When the right time comes..

.

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[Later in the evening]

(I spent most of my day binge watching shows, wasn't gonna waste a day off..
As I was wiping off my tears- don't judge, the scene was incredibly sad okay? The main door creaked, I turned to see N come in)

N: Hey! (He placed his backpack on the table)
Nathan told me you were alright so I didn't call,
Thought you should get some rest.

Aiden: Was I that drunk? (I asked sincerely)

N: Hm.. Well you couldn't even stand up so..
(I looked away in embarrassment)
How much did you drink last night?

Aiden: I.. Don't remember.

N: Well that checks out. (He laughed)
I get it, you want to celebrate your break up, but don't drink so much that Nathan has to carry you home.
(I nodded my head in shame and as if on cue a tired looking Nathan came through the door)

Nathan: Good evening.

Aiden: Where were you?

Nathan: Don't ask.. (He sat next to me on the table)
Zoe needed help with moving the fucking bed-
After that I attended classes and was collecting notes (He slaps a folder on the table)
Here.

N: Your intelligence gets hotter everyday-
(Nathan visibly rolled his eyes.. but there it was again! His face felt like it lit up, the blush wasn't visible but I could feel he was blushing..
So does he have feelings towards N and not me?
I tried to recall his reaction to my words yesterday.. But couldn't get anything, I remember saying those things but I have no idea what Nathan said or how he reacted.. maybe he didn't.
He probably brushed it off because he doesn't feel the same.
But I remembered something else)

Aiden: How was your "plans" yesterday?
(N's body seemed to stiffen at the question)

N: Yes! It- It was fun..
(That was.. a lie, but he was lying for a reason and I didn't wanna press him up on it)

Nathan: I'm gonna go and take a shower-

N: Can I go first? Really sweaty.

Nathan: So am I!

N: Maybe we can shower together. (He winked)
You joining us Aiden? You know what they say..
The more hands in the shower, the better you get cleaned.
(Nathan and I laughed..
I looked up to N to see him smiling..
A smile that indicated he was happy that we were happy)
Anyway I came home first, so shower should be mine first!
(With that he ran into the bathroom..
Nathan shook his head..
As we heard the sound of the door closing, we both said-)

"I'm worried for him"
(We both looked at each other)

Aiden: You see it too don't you? He lied.

Nathan: Duh, you should have seen him yesterday, his eyes seemed red.

Aiden: What could hurt him this much..?
What situation is he in?

Nathan: Maybe.. Love.
(There was that word again..
Was N seeing someone? And if he was, what happened to make N upset?)
I'm gonna make some ramen.
(As he got up his leg hit the table)
Ow-
(N's bag that was resting on it toppled, a book flied out of it and hit the ground, open in the middle)
Oh sorry, can you get that?
(I nodded as he headed into the kitchen..
As I looked down I quickly noticed that it wasn't a normal book.. It was a diary. N's diary.
I wanted to respect his privacy, but the diary was open, and as I picked it up, A graffiti of sorts caught my eye..
"N + A + N" with small hearts around it..
I closed the diary and shoved it into the bag..
"N + A + N..?"
That's our initials..
Nathan + Aiden + N..
"Did he.. No.."
Knowing N it was probably just a cute doodle he did and it probably didn't have any reflections of his real feelings.
But I couldn't help but overthink.
But knowing my feelings it was probably me just Imagining things that favor my feelings..

But I still wish somehow we three don't ever break our bond.)
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