Burning Love

New Year, New Hopes

I've never been one to set goals or resolutions for the new year. I understand why people do it, but I'm honest with myself, I will never get them done. So, I hope. Hope that the new year brings better days. Hope that my family continues to stay healthy. Hope that Eli continues to grow into a great human being without losing sight of who he is and what is important.

Those are my hopes this year, as well as many years before. But, for this new year, I have a new one to add. I'm frankly worried and nervous to add it, but I need to. I hope, that if it is for the best, that Chris continues to stay in our lives.

I haven't had someone to hope that about since my ex. And honestly, it excites and worries me all at the same time. Having not been together that long, it worries me that my heart now almost fully belongs to Chris and even more so, Eli's heart as well. I worry that we will both end up with hearts too broken to fully mend.

I've gone through it before, but Eli hasn't, and I just hope he doesn't go through it any time soon.

I try to set aside my anxieties and worries to try to focus on my hopes as I watch Chris and Eli laughing over something Dodger did.

The Christmas holiday came and went quickly with visits to both of our families. There were lots of laughs, joy and presents for Eli. He was spoiled rotten, more than usual, but he was oh so adorably moved and thankful to Chris and his family. Especially when he got tickets from Chris to the Patriots regular season home closing game.

I take in the current state of my living room. On one side my mom and Lisa are slightly tipsy laughing and gossiping. On the other side, my dad, Ryan, Scott and Chris are having a discussion about playoff possibilities. While the kids are running around with Dodger. I can't help the wide grin that attacks my face at the fullness of my home and heart.

I'm brought back to Earth by Carly. "It's been a while since you've had this many people here, huh?"

I laugh shaking my head. "I've never had this many people here!"

Shanna nudges me with her shoulder. "You get used to it. It can be overwhelming at first, but you'll grow to like us."

I laugh at her as she smirks behind her glass of wine. Shanna and Carly share a look before they join in my laughter.

"The extra chaos and craziness has been a fun addition to out holidays." I lightly giggle.

Shanna and Carly look at me with perplexed looks. I laugh at their almost identical faces. I take a sip of my wine and exhale.

"I'm an only child from a long line of only children families. Holidays are fun, but not this loud. And my ex was an only child too, so when I joined him, it was more of the same. So, I've enjoyed the extra people and chaos."

They nodded understandingly. When Shanna gets a mischievous smile and glint in her eyes.

"So are you wanting Eli to be an only child?" She innocently asks.

I shake my head with a chuckle, not quite understanding her underlying question. "I've always wanted a big family. I would love for Eli to be a big brother. I just hadn't found the right person to start a family with."

My eyes trail over to where Chris stands, our eyes meeting. We share a smile from across the room before we go back to our conversations.

"And now you think you have?" This time Carly innocently asks noticing what Shanna was up to, as well as my smile and gaze with Chris.

"Have what?" I ask not having been fully paying attention.

"Found the right person to start a family with!" Shanna quietly exclaims while giving me a knowing look.