The Girl Who Weeped Like A Willow

without you

november 18, 4:19 pm — i miss you

november 19, 2:34 am — i miss your hugs

november 20, 8:35 am — i woke up thinking about you

november 21, 2:09 am — i looked at a picture of you and my heart broke

november 22, 10:12 am — my chest hurts without you

november 25, 12:57 pm — it's thanksgiving and i had hoped i'd be spending it with you

november 28, 12:05 pm — i woke up feeling empty and i realized it was because i missed you so much

november 29, 6:46 pm — you broke my heart again today by rejecting my early christmas gift I got for you on october 16th

december 1, 1:21 pm — i wish you'd come back because i miss you and our conversations

december 5, 11:03 am — i really fucking miss you today and all I want to do is hug you

december 6, 11:32 am — i want to cry because i miss your hugs and the way you use to look at me

december 8, 12:18 pm — i'm laying in the shower letting the water pour over my pale skin. i'm missing you extra hard today and i'm drowning in my thoughts of who we use to be.

december 9, 10:48 am — i want to yell at you to come back, to come home. all because that's where you belong. safe, free, loved... home and you know that's not with her... it's with me

december 12, 11:43 am — lately i've been seeing your first initial everywhere and random spiritual readings that are so accurate about us that is fascinating. I'm hoping these signs mean that eventually you'll find your way back to me.

december 15, 10:47 am — i woke up today feeling heartbroken. i was hugging my pillow when i'd much rather be hugging you. i would do anything to have you near me today.

december 16, 11:16 am — i am trying to manifest you back into my life because I am worthy of love and to feel love for someone else, i feel that for you.

december 19, 10:20 am — yesterday i wanted to hug you so tight and i know that today i'll want to do the same.

december 20, 12:52 pm — i love you so much and today is one of those days that i wish i could just sit and talk with you for hours.

december 21, 12:30 pm — i always think about you when i'm at work and maybe it's because of all the moments we've shared together here. it only gives me more reason to leave after having the same job for seven years. i don't want to let go of those memories but I know that one day i'll have to.

december 23, 5:21 pm — she is at the place where we work, sitting in the dinning room with your son. the mother of your child doesn't even want her around him. it's killing me because the toxicity she spreads is like wildfire and he doesn't need to be around that.

december 24, 1:37 am — it's hard without you here. it's Christmas Eve and all i wished for was that you'd be spending it with me. i miss you so much and i know tomorrow is going to hurt worse than today does.

december 25, 10:26 am — merry christmas... i would text you that but i know you wouldn't answer. i wish i was spending the day with you because then maybe it would actually feel like christmas. i love you and I hope you have a good holiday.

december 27, 1:03 pm — it's another day that i woke up thinking about you when I'd much rather wake up with you next to me.

december 29, 9:56 pm — it's been over a week since i last saw you and of course after closing when i come in with my mom to decorate cakes you and your little bitch stop by when you knew damn well that it was my mom's car in the parking lot, you saw me taking a cake through the dining room to the showcase. so why did you stop by and make me let you in when you knew that nothing bad was going on but you went on to say "you wondered who was here."

december 31, 11:57 am — it's new year's Eve and i wanted you to be the person i kissed at midnight. this is one of those holidays that make me feel even more alone because i've never had anyone to countdown the new year with. this year, i thought it'd be you but once again my wish didn't come true.

january 1, 12:04 am — you weren't here for me to kiss you at midnight and i can honestly say this is by far the saddest new year yet.

january 2, 11:53 am — tomorrow is your birthday and i know that i was the first to wish you a "happy birthday" since i left it for you on your time card because i know you wouldn't answer any of my texts.

january 3, 12:00 am — to my boy, happy birthday. i love you...

january 4, 12:52 pm — this decision has been weighing on me for some time now. it's one that needs to be done. even if i think of you all the time, i will no longer speak of you to others. i can tell that they're annoyed with me and the feelings i hold for you. those feelings are what i'm trying to ignore. from now on i will act as if nothing has happened between us, maybe even act like you don't exist. maybe then you will miss me and see what life is truly like without me. without the small hints of me laying around when you come into work. i can already sense your energy and the one night you came in (december 29) i had a feeling in my gut that you'd make an appearance. i don't think it was out of concern since you saw me and proceeded to come in anyways. i think that after not seeing me for over a week, you missed me. now, it's time. i have to stop writing to you. if you are meant to come back to me, you will.
goodbye my love, don't miss me too much.