Infinity (ENGLISH VERSION)

Chapter 63

I opened the envelope with trembling hands and I started to read.

,,Dear Britney,
If you are reading this, you must be on the boat from our first date.
I have no idea why you came back here, but you did.
I'm really bad with words, but I can't take it anymore.
I know you hate me, but please just read through the letter and I will explain everything.
When I first saw you in the dorm while you caught me and Trixie making out, I found you annoying.
I had looked at all your novels before because I couldn't resist.
The first time you came to my party, my eyes almost fell out because you were so stunningly beautiful.
I never would have admitted it at the time, but it's true.
I kept trying not to stare at you but it didn't work.
I told myself that I only wanted you because you were easy prey, but that wasn't so.
When Carla first showed up at the party I slept with her because I wanted to get you out of my head, but it was all pointless.
Carla offered me money that day to keep breaking your heart so you could seek comfort from her and get closer again.
At the time I didn't think anything of it because I didn't care about anything anyway and if Carla got her girlfriend back, everyone would have won.
But I was wrong.
I told myself that I didn't care about you and that I didn't want you, but that wasn't true.
Whenever I looked at you, I wanted to know what you were thinking at that moment.
I tried to be extra mean to you because I wanted to do Carla the favor, but soon I realized I wasn't enjoying it anymore.
The first time you kissed me in my room, it was over for me.
I thought about you all the time and I couldn't get you out of my head.
I kept telling myself that I was only thinking about you because I wanted the money from Carla, but I swear I didn't take anything from her after our first kiss.
Carla got mad at me and threatened to blow the whistle if I didn't keep it up, so I did.
When I approached you about the thing with your father and you cried because of me, I felt a pain that almost killed me.
Then when I found you on a bench it broke my heart to see you like that and I hated myself for what I had done to you.
I know you think you don't know me, but on the contrary, you know me better than anyone on this earth.
You know the real Mason Davis.
The Mason who loves you more than anything.
When you were back at the frat house after that, I had made out with Ruby so I could hurt you, but I was disgusted with myself.
Then when I saw you with Ace, I was seething with anger and jealousy.
I had no idea why I was jealous at the time, but I was.
When you went upstairs with Ace I tried to control myself, but I couldn't and I ran after you.
Then when I heard you calling for me in the room, I wanted to do anything to be with you.
I hit Ace so many times he passed out and begged my uncle not to let him out of jail.
Then when I brought you back up to my room and saw how scared and defenseless you were, I knew.
I knew that I loved you.
At that moment it became clear to me.
I suddenly saw you with completely different eyes and I wanted to do everything I could to protect you.
I kept trying to be a dick to you after that because I was afraid of this feeling I had with you.
I had never loved anyone before and it scared the shit out of me.
Carla got angrier and angrier when I stopped taking her money and threatened me more and more.
A few days later she told me she was pregnant and would tell you if I didn't do everything she said.
Then when I said at the party that I didn't love you, it was a lie.
I knew Carla had your back and I knew that if I didn't say it, she would only make it worse.
It broke my heart to see you suffer like that and I was glad when you had Ruby.
On our first date I knew you were the love of my life and I would never let you go.
When we moved in together I felt pure happiness for the first time in my life.
I felt free and you were my light in the darkness.
The first time we slept together I knew you were the best thing that ever happened to me and there was no way I would let you go.
I swear to you, I didn't sleep with you to take advantage of you, but to be close to you.

I have slept with so many girls in my life, but they meant nothing to me.
It's totally different when the person means something to you.
I wish I could go back to the time when we first kissed, or the first time we hugged, or the first time we made love.
Not to change anything about it, but just to experience it again for the first time.
I loved when you made coffee in the morning while dancing to the radio.
I loved how you wore my t-shirt to bed every night.
I loved it when you fell asleep in my arms on the couch and I loved it when I watched you sleep.
When Carla broke everything up a few months ago, I had never felt so bad in my life.
I hated myself for causing your beautiful soul pain and I hated myself for even saying yes to Carla when she asked me for this favor.
When you were gone, I felt an emptiness inside me that I had never felt before.
I felt like you were gone and had taken my heart with you.
I wanted to follow you, but I knew you didn't want to see me, so I asked Ruby to drive to our place and pick you up there because I knew you would be there.
It has been 4 months and I miss you more than anything Britney.
I can't sheep or eat.
Everything reminds me of you!
Absolutely everything!
You have to believe me Britney, I love you and I will for the rest of my life!
I lie in bed at night and I wish you were in my arms, I wish I could listen to you breathe and I wish I could feel your heartbeat just one more time.
Whatever happens with this wonderful love story between you and me, I want you to know that there wasn't a single day where you were my second choice or I didn't love you.
I will love you in this life, the next or any life.
It's always been you Britney.
I know you think I was born broken but I wasn't, people and the world broke me and you were my only hope in this black hole I call living and now I've lost you too.
I am sorry.
More than anything in the world.
You have to believe me Britney, I love you!
I always have.
I know you will never forgive me, but if there is even the slightest chance that you could love me again someday, tell me.
I've finally come to terms with the idea that you don't love me anymore and that we're just strangers now.
Maybe one day we won't be anymore.
Or maybe in another life.
But for now I'm letting you go Britney white.
Even though I love you and always will, I'm letting you go because I know I'm not good for you.
I love you.
Forever yours, Mason."