Infinity (ENGLISH VERSION)

Chapter 93

I was lying on the couch working on my book.
I hadn't done that in a while, but writing books is the only thing that distracts me at the moment.

Last night we both fell asleep after a long discussion about our relationship.
We talked about a lot of things, but not about breaking up and I was really happy about that because I don't know what I would do without him.

This morning he went to the station early, probably so he didn't have to talk to me, but I didn't mind because it gave me more time to myself.

After breakfast I jumped in the shower and washed off all my misery.
I showered so hot that I felt like my skin was about to burn, but the last 2 weeks I couldn't bring myself to take a shower, so it was really refreshing.

I had to clean the whole apartment first because it looked awful and I couldn't stand messes.

It was also really nice to eat a real meal.
While I appreciate that Mason had been feeding me sandwiches for the past couple of weeks, nothing could replace pasta.

After the apartment looked in order again and so did I, I sat down to continue writing my book.

I loved writing and it was truly my passion.
It was what I was burning for.
I wished that I could earn money with it and that I could bring it out someday.

It's funny how it all turned out.
Two years ago I wanted to be a lawyer and today I dropped out of college to write books.

Even though no one has read the story yet and I don't make a dime from it, I love writing lives that I will never experience myself.

I think one of the best things about reading is gaining experience and living thousands of lives before you die one day.
But one of the saddest facts is that you will never actually live those lives.

Ruby is finally coming to visit us this weekend and I felt ready to get back to my normal routine, even if my life is anything but normal.

I had told her about my miscarriage and she almost fainted when she heard.
We both cried on the phone, but it was nice to have a friend to comfort you.

I am so thankful for her.
Why couldn't she just move back here?
Although I really didn't want her to because she looks so happy in New York.

She had also said she had news for me and I just prayed she wouldn't tell me she was pregnant because that was really the last thing I needed.
Not that I don't begrudge her being happy, but I can't see other mothers becoming mothers and me never having that chance.
I didn't want kids, but now that I know I can never have any either, I want it even more.

I know it sounds fucked up, but that's just the way it is.

I went back to my book world and wrote the next chapter.

In my opinion, the hardest part of writing is finding a title that fits.
I still don't have a name for my book, even though I'm almost at the end of my story.

The front door opened and Mason came in.
why is he home so early?

,,Hey," I said.

,,Hey." he said with a smile.

,,Why are you home so early?" I asked.

,,Come with me and find out for yourself," he said.

,,What are you going to do?" I asked.

,,Always these curious questions," he said with a grin.

I'm glad we're both laughing again and not depressed in our room.

,,Okay." I said and got up from the couch.

,,Just come like this, you don't have to put on anything special," he said.

I was wearing sweatpants with a t-shirt, so I just grabbed my bag and went to him.

,,Where are we going?" I asked.

,,To the lake," he answered as we got into the car.

When he said that, I immediately got nervous.

No matter how old I get, he always manages to give me butterflies in my stomach like a teenage girl.