As Everything Changes

Chapter 41

It has been two weeks since John has left. It still hurts. All I feel is lost. Broken. As if my heart has been torn into shreds.

“Selena, dear? It is dinner time,” my mom says, popping her head into my room.

I don’t reply. It has been this way since John has passed. I haven’t moved, haven’t talked. Sometimes my parents can force some food into me but it is a very rare occasion. Less than once every day. I haven’t even gone to school.

“Selena,” she tries again. I still don’t reply.

The loss is overbearing. It takes over my mind. I can’t do anything without him. I can’t go to the beach without thinking of our first kiss, I can’t go to the park without thinking of our picnics, I can’t look outside of my window without thinking of our time on the roof, nothing is the same without him.

I just lay in bed, blankly staring at the ceiling until my eyes hurt. I barely even sleep and when I do, it is light and painful. The dreams crash through and all I see are images of a lifeless John.

“Selena Tanners! I said dinner is ready so get up and eat! Everyone is going through emotional distress but that doesn’t mean you should give up on living your life. You may hurt the most but people need you. Your friends need you and you need them too. The pain will last but you will get through it. So go get dinner, take a shower, get dressed, call your friends, and get out. This isn’t healthy,” she says.

I still don’t reply but I do sit up and throw the blankets off of me. I am a complete wreck. I have old makeup stained on my puffy face. My clothes are wrinkled, my hair is knotted. I did make an attempt to show but that just resulted in a break down where my mom had to drag me out and calm me.

“We are having pasta tonight, your favorite,” she tries.

John made me pasta for our first big dateI sit at the table and my dad lays a plate in front of me.

Honestly, I am very hungry. I take a bite and it melts in my mouth as usual. I don’t feel joyful though.

“Is it good sweetheart?” my dad asks, trying so hard to strike up a conversation. Of course, I don’t speak. It’s as if silence is my way of coping. If nothing leaves my mouth, it will hurt less.

“Selena, your father asked you a question,” my mom says. Why is she in such a bad mood all of a sudden?

I turn to him and nod. He sighs and his frown deepens.

We finish dinner and I pick up my plate, setting it in the sink.

I do as my mom told me and take a shower. It is soothing but just like everything else, it doesn’t help.

When I am done I throw on a pair of sweatpants and a sweater then text the girls.

To: Sierra; Lucy

Hey… Sorry I haven’t talked to you guys since everything. Do you want to meet me at the cafe? You can bring Jake and Jason if you want..

I immediately get two replies.

From: Sierra

Thank God you are okay! I will be there in 10!

From: Lucy

I was starting to get very worried :( I will be there sweetie!

The corners of my mouth barely tug up for the first time. I have such amazing friends, how could I not be slightly happy?

As I grab my purse and put my phone in it, my parents walk into the room.

“Selena. We need to talk before you go,” my mom says. I look at her to show that I am listening.