No matter what I do I always come back to you.
This.
Somehow this place has become familiar--
like home.
Every day is like a never-ending cycle,
which I'm sure you've heard before.
Work, work, work.
That's all that matters.
Whether it be for money
or the short-term gratitude from parent(s).
Whether it be for me, for him, for her.
But none of it matters.
Sure, it matters to them but me?
To me it's what I dread the most.
The constant bragging, the raised expectations.
Even when I achieve all that is desired of me,
there's always more.
Somewhere down the line I became convinced
we both desire the same things.
If I dare to complain I'm always met with
"You should be happy to be-" or
"Why do you feel this way when-"
But why must I fit into your ideologies?
Why must I feel a way you can understand?
Why must I live to please you?
And you, too?
And as all these questions flood in with no answers that will satisfy,
I find myself running back to you.
You're like a safe haven that I know will always comfort me,
never judging me even when I'm far from right
or deep in wrong.
Something that somehow understands me.
Can I confide to you, once more?
I am tired.
I know I always say that and, frankly,
I don't think the time could come soon enough
when I come to you without these words.
With good news, instead of bad.
I am everything you should be ashamed of,
yet you embrace me once more.
I thank you, for you are the only thing that keeps me going.
Even when I forget about you for months,
even years at a time--
you always seem to be there waiting for my return.
Expecting nothing, giving nothing.
I guess what I'm trying to say
is absolutely nothing.
And somehow you knew that already,
yet you listen with non-functioning ears.
You let me fill your pages with all I have to give,
and still, I give you nothing.
Nothing but a small token of gratitude.
I love that I can make no sense to you,
because sense is foreign to you.
I promise that one day
I will come to you with more than just a pointless rant.
with more than just the long-awaited update on me.
But for now, I will remain the same.
And so will you.
