Somebody To Hold (Book 0.5) (AU series) - INTERSEX

Chapter Forty-Two

TW: Mention of Sexual Assault

Josephine

Death can be cruel and unfair, especially when someone dies before their time. Like my unborn child... and Kelsie Montega. She was there for me when I needed her most. When I was locked in chains, she still continued to talk to me and send me pictures of my daughter. She knew there was nothing she could do to get me back, but it didn't stop her from pestering her brother to talk to me any chance she could. She stuck by my side until her very last breath.

Killian Montega was my friend. He was my brother. He gave his life for me...someone who doesn't deserve it. He loved me so much more than I could ever reciprocate. He wanted me to have a second chance at life. To open my heart to Alexandria and Elliot.

I don't even know where to begin in letting my walls down for them. Every day is a struggle for me to get up... to eat... to breathe. I feel numb all the time. I just want to shut down. Find the off switch in my brain and flip it permanently.

I sit on the floor leaning against the tiles of the shower as the steaming water stings my skin. The water is hot, but all I feel is... cold. I'm so tired. I feel drained of all the life within me. I'm longing to be content. I'm longing to feel even an ounce of pure happiness again. But every time I close my eyes, I'm reminded of my past. Giving birth to my daughter.

"Come on Josephine, one last push."

Looking into her crystal blue eyes that mimic the calming ocean waters. Envisioning a future with my little girl... just to have it all ripped from my arms,

"You're a whore! Get rid of it."

I've had my control ripped out from under me by the man that was supposed to protect me. Sold like a piece of property's,

"This is our payment, Daniel."

Everything afterwards has become a blur within the shackles of a mind.

"This one right here, the clients will love her."

"I don't want to do this."

"No, stop!"

"Get off of me!"

Each droplet of water that falls upon my damaged skin, mocks the burning of each man's touch against my body. My world came crashing down. I lost myself over and over again, as they took what they wanted from me. Chipping away at my soul, piece by piece, until all that was left was a broken, distorted image of the person I once was.

An ultimatum that determined my fate... not once, but twice. Losing my baby girls one after the other. I see them both every time I close my eyes, in a perfect world where I was never made into an object of convenience. It's as if my mind is a prison playing an endless, cruel trick on me, giving me false hope of the things, I could never have.

"If we don't take the baby out now, she will die."

Their words ricochet in my head, consuming my every thought. If only they knew then I would've rather died than exist in a world without my two baby girls... in this cruel, cruel world that seems to hate every fiber of my being.

I just want the pain and suffering caused by the people who did me wrong to end. They left me a shell of a human, with a gaping hole my chest that caves in on me more and more every day. The more I think about the people that were taken from me, the more the tears fall. Hidden among the cascading water droplets, they flow down my body to their ultimate demise, and I envy them for leaving me behind.