I Love You Since Then

17

I Love You Since
/Chapter Seventeen/

Kaiden

I stepped out of my car pagkatapos ko itong maiparada ng maayos sa garahe ng bahay. All the lights are off except the small lamp stand beside the couch on our living room. Ito ang nagsisilbing liwanag sa loob ng kabahayan.

Where is she?

Maybe she's already asleep. Malalim na rin kase ang gabi. I sighed as I remember our argument earlier at breakfast. I was able to control the frustration I felt in front of her but I think hindi tama ang bigla ko na lamang pag-alis. Baka kung ano ang isipin niya.

From the beginning, I keep trying to be not perfect but at least good for her. A good husband that deserves her. However, it appears that my efforts have been in vain.

Kaya hindi ko maikakaila na nasaktan ako sa sinabi nito. That I don't need to act it all up. I wasn't, what I want her to feel is my genuine care and...love

How is she supposed to make a conclusion on what you're doing if you haven't told her yet? Dumb Kaiden.

I just don't know how but I'm not dumb!

You're stalling, admit it.

I silently went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. My throat felt parched after those drinks my loony friends and I drank earlier.

Talagang pinilit ng mga ito na broken hearted ako para lang makapagpalibre dahil kailangan daw na iiyak ko ang puso kong sugatan.

Crazy twerps.

Niluwagan ko ang necktie ko kasabay ang paglapag ng basong ginamit ko sa lababo. I slightly reached my nape and massaged it with my hands.

This happens when you're frustrated and put all your time on work, no rest for even half an hour. Sinabayan ko ang overtime ng mga empleyado sa opisina kaya medyo napagod ako, ilang meetings ba ang in-attendan ko? Sekretarya ko ang dapat na a-attend pero sinabi ko rito na ako na lamang at gawin na nito ang ibang trabaho.

Hindi rin ako nagtagal sa kusina at pumanhik na sa taas. Pipihitin ko na sana ang pinto ng master's bedroom nang dumako ang tingin ko sa guest room na siyang inuukupa ni Shane.

I let her because that's what she wants and I respect her decisions. At isa pa, gaya ng palagi niyang pagbanggit na arranged marriage lang pala ang kasal naming dalawa, hindi niya ako kailangang tabihan kung ayaw niya.

But I still kept some of her belongings like her pillow, robe and even the vanity mirror on our room na ako mismo ang pumili ayon sa palagay kong disenyo na magugustuhan niya para kapag nagbago ang isip niya at gustong sa kwarto namin umukupa ay naroon na ang mga gamit niya.

Lingid sa kaalaman ni Shane ay ako ang halos nag-asikaso habang ginagawa itong bahay. Pati ang disenyo sa bawat sulok ay inabot ako ng ilang araw sa pagpili. I just don't want her to see this as a house but as a home to live in, a home to build a family, raise kids and a place to grow old together.

So much for a dream, I guess.

I talked to Mom and Dad at hiniling na sabihin na lamang na mula sa kanila ang bahay na ito at regalo sa amin matapos ang kasal.

Keeping what you feel inside for a long time is hard. I want to tell her so I can finally be free to show her what I really feel. So I don't have to make uo excuses to care for her.

So I don't have to pretend that I'm going to a coffee shop to film and take pictures because I like the coffee there when the truth is that all I want to do is see her everytime she goes there, whether alone or with her friends.

I take a hesitant step towards her door. I had the impulse to knock on her door and apologize for how I behaved this morning, but I decided against it because it's late and I'm sure she's already asleep. But I'm hoping she's not upset with me.

Sa lahat, 'yon ang iniiwasan kong mangyari. I don't want her to be mad or upset with me, when it happens,  gusto kong mapawi agad 'yon dahil hindi ako mapakali.

I'm not even sure how I'm going to tell her how I felt.

I think I need some confession and love advices from my crazy friends.

Keep in mind na napilitan lang ako na gawin ito at wala na ako ibang maisip na paraan.

Pumasok ako sa aming kwarto, hindi na ako nag-abala na i-on ang ilaw dahil nakikita ko naman ang nilalakaran ko. Hinubad ko ang coat saka dumeretso sa banyo at pumailalim sa ilalim ng shower.

After bathing lumabas na ako ng banyo suot ang roba at naglakad sa walk in closet para kumuha ng maisusuot, doon ko na rin isinuot ang t-shirt at pang-ibabang damit ko.

Habang tinutuyo ang buhok ay binuksan ko ang lampshade sa tabi ng kama, nagkaroon ng liwanag ang paligid at bahagya kong ikinagulat nang makita si Shane na mahimbing na natutulog.

She's sleeping...in our room, our bed.

Did God just answer my prayers, or are my eyes just playing tricks on me right now?

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