I'm Scared Of You.

46

"Now, what have you done... My Venus..." Solomon said picking up the strands of hair. "Your hair was beautiful... Like a golden river."

I know he loved it. That's why I did it.

His eyes looked down to his place skinny hands that were holding my hair.
I remember the touch of them and it made my skin crawl.

His grip is like a grandparent and his hands are cold like snow. It feels like a spider.

Everything about him is unlikable.

All the things he's put me through.

"Why do you do this?", I asked.

"What is it that you mean?"

"Why all of this?", I said. " And don't say 'because I love you. Tell me."

He exhaled.

"I'll ask you something, yes? I advise you to be honest, not with me. With yourself."

"I asked first", I said.

He tilted his head and walked around the kitchen of our apartment.

He stopped at the counter and looked at me.

"Do you genuinely believe your family loves you?"

"I don't know anymore.", I said indifferently. " you were right. You are always right. I hate it."

He grabbed a box of oatmeal and a glass of water.

He took a deep breath.

"Them think... Why am I the enemy? All the suffering I put you through... Why is it?"

I gulped and looked at him.
He naturally looked down, avoiding eye contact.

He's always disliked it.

"Because you're horrible."

He chuckled.

Solomon has never laughed at something because it was funny.

He laughs when he knows I'm lying or when he knows he's winning.

"Sweet, you're so sweet..." He paused staring at me.

A long pause happened and I grew anxious.

He raised his eyebrows.

"And cute... Especially when you lie to yourself."

He opened the box and poured oatmeal into the water.

"Where's the sugar, tiny Margo?"

"We ran out, honey.", I said monotonously.

The kitchen was practically empty. I don't remember ever shopping for groceries and I had all the employees fired from the last house.

"That's too bad. I love sweets. Remember the tea you would always drink but hated so much in the Manor?'

" how do you know I hated it?"

"Because no one drinks tea that sweet. It was in purpose, I told Mrs. Morel to do it, extra sweet, for you."

"Why?", I asked shocked.

" I wanted to see how you looked when you lied. After that, it was really easy. And I can tell right now that you're lying."

"Enlighten me, my husband. What's the reason?"

"Because you try to escape... That's why I'm bad Margo, darling. You make me this way. But if you didn't... You've seen it. I can make you feel really good. Don't I, my beloved universe?"

And like a snake, he crawled around my brain. Eating my thoughts. Poisoning my heart. And I was again the mouse.

"What did your Dad say when you told them. Did they listen? Did they ask why you got so skinny? Why you weren't wearing ribbons in your hair? No puffy pink dress. Nothing. Why you haven't contacted them in 5 months? Did they care? How many times did they call Margo? I met them at the family meeting, and never before. Who marries their daughter without knowing the husband? And your brother..." He turned the stove off and searched for a plate.

"My brother...", I said.

"Nicholas Hozeldine.", he added. He sighed disappointedly. "You heard... He was the one who thought about this marriage, to begin with. He told you himself... And I too never met him.", he said calmly.

"And he... And he told my parents I couldn't divorce you... Knowing that they would've agreed if he was on my side."

"Margo... That's not fair. You have done everything for your parents. Look at you..."

I turned around and saw myself in the window.

My skin had turned grey, I had dark circles and I'm also almost bald. I used to be an elegant woman.

"I don't know who I am anymore."

"You were your parent's expectations. But now, you can be yourself. Be someone. Now you have nothing to lose. Sometimes to be reborn.  You need to die a little. It's s your moment. It's our moment! If only...", he said getting a spoon from the table.

" You could see this as an opportunity."

"Opportunity for what? I'm no one. They don't even see me as family "

"You're right. You're not a Hozeldine.", He took a bite of the oatmeal.

"You're a Vernon."