Indifferent

5|Whatever you want

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A week goes by since Jungkook's stupid proposition and you're at work, thinking about it as if you don't have a report to hand in by 3pm. Typing on your computer you try to focus and after three cups of coffee that nearly seems impossible to function without it daily, and the lovely Jimin has brought you some earlier, you chug it thinking it's going to help and soon as you finish writing your first sentence your back to thinking about Jungkook.

His touch left a burning sensation on your skin and every time you even think about him you just feel his hands on you, everywhere he touched is like a mark he left on you and you can't seem to shake it away. He was stupid for doing that, you know what scratch that, you were stupid for letting him do that. In that moment all you thought about was sex, and you let the lust take over, at the moment you nodded your head—consenting for Jungkook to touch you– still replays in your mind. That was so pathetic of you, you thought and if you could have turned back in time you would prevent everything prior to that moment so you weren't in that position. It's not like you were a prude, or wasn't horny...Just that thought of Jungkook giving you pleasure sounded weird and didn't sit right with you.

Someone that has intentionally hurt you in the past deliberately doing everything they can to make your life miserable. And yes that was back in college and he may have changed, but you haven't seen any of that change so why should you let him have his way with you? Why should you give him what he wants? Why is that you can't seem let go of this stupid grudge that happened years ago, yet you deem yourself to not hold grudges? Why do you still feel his warm hands on you...

Wait...why were you even thinking about this in the first place? Giving it the time of day to consume your thoughts and your busy work schedule just proves that you were considering it and you hated it. You hated that you had to organize your thoughts and think these things through because that just proves that you want him to fuck you.

Right? In the grand scheme of all things you crave for touch, and intimacy, and sex. You crave those things but are you really willing to push your past and pride aside to let go of this? Maybe you can have some fun, maybe you can let go and just have sex with Jungkook without putting much thought into it, because at the end of the day it is just sex, after all.

Sex has no meaning, it wasn't like you were getting into a relationship with him, and it wasn't like you had to do very intimate couple like things. You sighed, twirling a curl on your finger as you stare straight ahead into the screen. You weren't so sold on the whole let's just have sex thing with Jungkook, and you thought if you were to go through with the plan you'd have to set some boundaries and expectations from one another. Because you don't just want him to leave you after sex, emotionally you wouldn't be able to take that and although you'd probably not want anything to do with him, the gesture would still feel nice. But you also don't want to grow attached or get clingy after, you still hate him. And it was only natural for you to get like that, it always happened in your previous relationships.