Indifferent

13|Downhill

September

You've had a rough day, a horrible week- You think that the universe is against you in every way possible because firstly your car had broken down getting to work this morning, which already set you back even later because of the wrong alarm that you set the night before and had been an hour late by that time. Getting a scolding from Seokjin and the office was the last thing you needed, and then forgetting to get some coffee on the way was your very first heartbreaking regret of the day because as you kept editing and typing on your screen for 5 hours straight–a project that was around 400 pages– you could barely stay awake.

Eyes straining, head pounding and weeks of work piled up with all the due dates approaching the next week. Your feet hurt and finally leaving the office for the day you thought that you'd had been free from torture, hopping on the first bus back until you stood too close to the street, a car splashing you from the previous night's rainfall, gross black puddle water all over you. Clothes sticking to you, hair frizzy and damped, makeup runny–needless to stay you looked horrendous. You just wanted to go home, you just wanted to sleep in the comfort of your bed, maybe order some food but as you zombily walked into your apartment building an email from the internship you had applied for appeared. All tiredness and pain washed away from your body as you opened it, reading it before you could even reach the elevator and that's when you collapse.

To Miss "...."
Thank you for your interest in the Toronto times star, as a junior editor and journalist, unfortunately, we are unable to offer you this position at this time....

You stopped reading after that first couple of lines, knees giving up and crashing onto the floor. You let go, let the tears spill, your bag was thrown somewhere behind you and—phone with it. You finally let all the crying and frustration sweep through you in the middle of the empty lobby, hair covering your face as you stare down at the floor. Suddenly the feeling you buried deep inside of you, then one you've convinced yourself of years ago, the feeling of not being enough brewed up back from the depth of your heart, never enough for a relationship, for a job, for an internship, for a decent week! For god sake, you just wanted to breathe. But that seemed pretty much impossible with the way your heart cracked and your sobs of breathless cries, and hiccups spilled from your mouth.

Growing up you were used to never getting the things you wanted because your parents were always tight on money, and we're working 24/7 to put you through school and get a hot meal on the table. You couldn't buy the new backpack, wear the expensive Dior makeup or the new fila sneakers that we're out and trending at the time. You learned to be a cheapskate growing old, using your resources and making the best out of every situation. Your parents tried their best and in the end, their hard work paid off, landing them a nice retirement house near the water. You grew up humbled and like to think you were advanced in society having been raised with the mindset of always giving when you can and never showing off what you have–always being grateful for what you have in your life.