CHASING YOUTH. wsn ✓

009.

those years when we missed the rain, those years when we missed our love.

—

it wasn't as easy as wooyoung thought.

after news of san and yerim dating was spread around the entire school (which took less than a day because their school was just that interested in someone else's love life), san started to flaunt their relationship. and it was harder and harder to approach san ever since. yerim's friends and their boyfriends or girlfriends would crowd around the newest rumoured prom king and queen, leaving wooyoung no time and space at all to speak to san alone.

what made it even harder was mingi. well, not really, because yunho finally conjured up his courage and confessed, which mingi beamed to and told yunho that he'd been having the hots for him ever since they were sophomores. the two were now dating and wooyoung was happier than ever for his best friend. however, mingi was also best friends with san's cousin, jongho, who happened to hang out with san a lot. which means that wooyoung would constantly be around san whenever he ate lunch because yunho would always drag him over with him.

and wooyoung was stressed. hell, if anything, his insomnia definitely got worse because of the stress he was feeling and that was not good at all. he tried calling hongjoong a couple of times during the first week since hongjoong was probably staying up late doing his music anyway, but wooyoung was told by hongjoong to stop calling him at 4am because hongjoong, surprisingly (not surprisingly) needed sleep too.

so wooyoung was left to his own to deal with insomnia. he tried putting up light scents and warm lighting to help him feel more snuggled in his blankets, but it didn't work at all; wooyoung's brain would always go back to san. it was like san was constantly running laps in his mind and no matter what wooyoung do, he just couldn't get the older out of his mind. more specifically, he couldn't get the way the two just fell out without wooyoung apologising out of his mind.

wooyoung really just wanted a chance to redeem himself, to save the precious friendship the two had developed over the holidays. it wasn't even about his insomnia anymore, wooyoung just wanted san back in his life.

"wooyoung! geez, what got you in such a deep thought?" yunho snapped his finger in front of wooyoung's face and when he saw just how many people were staring at him, his face reddened and his eyes casted downwards.

san snickered, "he was probably thinking about when will someone actually take a look at him and realise he's no heartthrob at all."

his little friend group — were they even friends at all? — laughed with him, mingi just looked down on his lap while yunho was fuming. wooyoung placed his hand on yunho's to try and calm his best friend down, but that was yunho's last straw. and it never ended prettily when yunho was angry.

"okay, what the fuck is your problem with wooyoung?" yunho slammed his hands on the table, glaring at san and attracting the attention of the entire dining hall. wooyoung frantically tugged on yunho's sleeve to try and make him stop, but he didn't budge at all.

"what—why do you hate him so much? why are you always targeting him? you don't even need to tell me why, just tell wooyoung why so at least he knows what he did wrong." yunho continued rambling on. wooyoung widened at yunho's suggestion. a private time with san to sort out their problems? sounds like the golden ticket to fixing their friendship. but knowing san, he wouldn't just say yes so easily.

san rolled his eyes, "oh, he knows what he did wrong. i just want an apology."

wooyoung looked at san, "i—i'm sorry, alright? i've tried to find every single opportunity i have to apologise to you, but you're either always surrounded by people or just avoiding me! how could i apologise to you when you don't give me a chance to at all?"

wooyoung got up from his seat and stomped out of the dining hall, a bit of it for the dramatic side of him and a whole lot of it because he was actually mad at san.

thinking about it, san was the one at fault. yes, he was. san never, ever provided wooyoung a chance to apologise and every time wooyoung catches dan's eyes in the hallways or in the classroom, san would turn the other direction.

it was san's fault that wooyoung hadn't apologise. and now that he apologised to the king, wooyoung really had no reason at all to feel sad or guilty or mad. then why does he still feel so off?

wooyoung went up to the place he knows the most familiar: the rooftop. after their fight a month before now, wooyoung came up once or twice every day just to get away from everything. yunho would know that he came up, so if anything happened, yunho knew where to find wooyoung. but other than that, wooyoung really just abandoned his life in high school for a precious half an hour or when he's lucky enough, a full hour to himself and his own thoughts.

this time was no exception: wooyoung needed to get out. he needed to get out of where he was so he could calm down and really reflect on his feelings.

feelings were always a complicated concept for wooyoung. growing up, his parents only cared about his academics and as he could tell by how they forced him to move out at 13, his parents really just took care of him because they legally had to. and wooyoung was fine with that. he always grew up independently and had zero problem with that.

but perhaps it was precisely that which made wooyoung so confused now. wooyoung was so used to being alone — other than yunho and hongjoong, of course — that when san comes into his life so suddenly and left twice as suddenly, he was forced to slow down and think about how his feelings changed, how he changed when san made his entrance and exit. it allowed wooyoung to know how it feels to have someone special, someone meaningful in your life and have them leave your life so suddenly.

"wooyoung?" the familiar voice of choi san asked. wooyoung didn't turn around from where he was. he was leaning over the railing, letting the autumn breeze blow over him as he just enjoyed the precious moments he had to himself before san walked over to him.

once wooyoung felt san's presence behind him, he chuckled drily and turned around only then. he saw how san was panting and his forehead had little beads of sweat. did he want to find wooyoung that badly? how stupid would he be if he didn't search the rooftop first? so many questions were swimming in wooyoung's mind that he didn't know which one he wanted the answer for first.

"you've finally decided you wanted to talk to me?" wooyoung accused with no harm laced in his voice at all. he studied san's face for any change of expression, but there was none, to wooyoung's disappointment.

san placed his hands on either sides of wooyoung, efficiently trapping the younger against the railing of the rooftop, "you were the one that didn't apologise to me."

wooyoung scoffed, "do i need to repeat the entire speech thing i did in the dining hall just now? did you not hear a single thing i said-"

san pressed his lips against wooyoung's. that's all wooyoung felt. for a split second, wooyoung was happy. he was happy that his crush had kissed him. he was happy that san had kissed him.

then reality came crashing down on him all over again.

why the hell was san kissing him? san should be punching him, kicking him, doing all the things that san was supposed to do if he hated him. even if san didn't hate wooyoung, san shouldn't be kissing wooyoung. san was dating yerim! and wooyoung didn't care how much he liked san, it was still wrong.

so wooyoung pushed san away and stared at him in disbelief, "i—what was that!"

san panted and wiped his mouth, as if kissing wooyoung was a sin he should've never committed. and in a way, perhaps san should've never kissed wooyoung.

without a single word exchanged between the two, wooyoung walked past san and towards the staircase leading them back to the school, the two's heart more broken now than they were when they first got up here.