Shy

Clara

I watch Kit as he wanders over to get us some water and smile contentedly.

I wish I could say that he's all I'm thinking about, but he's not. I want to find Chris. That night we had a connection and I can't just let it go. I need to speak to him again, even if it's just to thank him.

I tap my fingers on the table anxiously and turn towards Michael.

"Michael, is Chris here?" I ask. He looks at me in a strange way and laughs slightly.

"Um, yes?" He says, as though the answer should be obvious to me.

"Where is he? Who's Chris?" I ask, my eyes glancing around the room.

Michael shakes his head, as though he doesn't understand a joke.

"I don't understand, why are you calling him that?" Michael asks slowly and I frown.

"Who?" I ask impatiently.

"Kit."

I freeze in my chair for a moment, everything falling into place in my mind. He hadn't looked like him but then again, how many times had I seen the boy in person? It was Kit. Chris is Kit. It's been him all along.

"Kit is Chris?" I say slowly and Michael nods.

"Yeah, his name's Christopher, but everyone calls him Kit. Except his grandma." Michael says absently.

I stand up shakily, all of a sudden needing some air.

"Are you okay?" Michael asks and I nod, quickly darting my way through the crowd and out into the open evening.

I take a few deep breaths, my hands on my hips as I try and make sense of everything. Did he like me or was he always just being a gentleman. Did he feel what I felt? Why had Kia lied to me? Did she not want us to be anything more than friends?

My head is spinning and then everything stops.

"Clara?"

His voice calms me, sending shivers down my spine. I glance over my shoulder to the mysterious boy in front of me, the boy who's everything and yet nothing to me.

"How could you not tell me?" I ask quietly. He freezes, his entire body tense as he watches me.

I sigh heavily, my hands running down my dress in frustration.

"You're him." I say miserably.

The two boys who I can't stop thinking about are one in the same and although the thought is confusing to me, all I feel is overwhelming embarrassment and confusion. Does he feel what I feel or am I just someone he feels sorry for?

His head lowers and his shoulders crumple.

"I..I'm sorry. I know I'm probably not who you wanted me to be but..."

"You're Chris. Christopher." I state and his head looks up again, now looking totally confused.

"Yes...although nobody calls me that." He says slowly. With the exception of grandma I add in my head.

"That night, on your birthday." I mumble and it seems to click in his head.

"Yeah, that was me." He admits and I wrap my arms around my self.

"You never said anything." I say slowly and he takes a step towards me.

"I wasn't sure you knew who I was. Besides, I'm no one special and I can assure you that we didn't do anything..." He trails off awkwardly and I shake my head.

"I just made a bit of a fool of myself that evening." I mumble and he chuckles.

"You made a lasting impression." He corrects and I suddenly feel completely reassured. I pause for a moment, glancing at his handsome, partially concealed face.

"I'm sorry, that you're stuck with me this evening." I admit and he shakes his head, a funny expression on his face that I don't quite understand.

He turns around, glancing at the dark fields surrounding the school and I walk over to join him tentatively. I take a moment to try and take everything in, knowing that in only a few weeks I'd be coming here to finish my education.

"I'm transferring here in a couple of weeks." I say softly, more to myself than anything else.

Kit nods, still appearing very far away.

"What do you study?" He asks suddenly, his head turning to face me. I study his sculpted jaw line for a moment before realising that he expects an answer.

"Um, music, art, geography and maths." I murmur.

His mouth quirks up slightly with the hint of a smile and I wish that I could see the real thing.

"You're studying four subjects?" He asks and I nod.

"Well, you won't be totally alone in maths." He says quietly and I smile. I rub my arms with my hands, wishing I weren't so cold. I try to ignore it as best I can, this is the situation I've been yearning for for so long, a chance to finally get to know Kit.

Alas, Kit notices my discomfort and immediately escorts me inside.

I sigh heavily but follow him willingly. The dance is still in full swing and Kia bounds up to me at once, eyeing her brother suspiciously. She drags me away from him and into the girls bathroom, looking very keyed up.

"What just happened? Michael said you freaked out just now about something Kit said?" She asks frantically.

I shake my head slowly, still not understanding why Kia had kept her brother's identity from me. I decide the only option is to ask.

"Why didn't you tell me that Kit was Chris?" I ask firmly and she blinks for a moment.

"Chris from your party?" I clarify and she exhales quickly.

"Oh. I'm really sorry about that. I know it wasn't my place but Kit...he's very reserved and I didn't want to tell you anything before speaking to him about it." She says awkwardly and I get it, I do. But I'm still a bit frustrated.

"It's fine, I just feel like I'm going a bit crazy." I admit, leaning against the wall heavily.

Saskia laughs gently and leans her head against my shoulder.

"You're not going crazy. And if it's any consolation, I think Kit want's to know you too. He just doesn't quite know how." Kia says comfortingly. Her voice has a knowing undertone and my heart jumps at the sound of it.

"I don't have a crush on him or anything like that." I say quickly, standing up and looking at Kia quickly. She just raises an argumentative eyebrow at me in response.

I sigh heavily, my hands smoothing down my dress anxiously as I realise how clammy my hands are.

"I can't help it, but I won't do anything. You're my best friend." I say honestly, knowing I'd never jeopardise one of my closest and only friends for a guy.

Kia rolls her eyes and takes on her bossy, hands on hips stance.

"Look, I honestly don't care. I'm not going to pretend I know how Kit's feeling, but I know you and you're smitten." Kia says smugly as I anxiously wring my hands together.

It's a relief to know that Kia's not mad, but her words remind me of a conversation from months ago, about Kit and a girl that he's been mad about for years.

"Kia...you once told me that Kit has had a thing for the same girl for a while and I was just wondering if..." I trail off, watching Kia's expression falter. She's looking at me with sad eyes, a small smile on her face and I nod, laughing uneasily.

"Just, get to know him? You might end up hating him." Kia says, trying to make me feel better and I laugh, knowing that that is an impossible eventuality.