One week, l ignored him for a week now. I didn't bother to reply on his messages. And besides, l've been busy too because the exams are coming up.
"Akemi, dinalhan kita ng pagkain." ngayon ko lang napansin na pumasok si Nanay Fe sa kuwarto ko. Masyado kasi akong abala sa pagre-review kaya hindi ko agad siya napansin. "Kumain ka ng marami, nangangayat ka na."
"Salamat po, nay." I smiled at the woman who always take care of me. Minsan hinihiling ko na sana si Nanay Fe na lang ang naging ina ko kasi sa kaniya lang ako nakaramdam ng pag-alaga at pag-unawa.
No matter how genius and diligent l am, that still wouldn't be enough for my parents. They keep on telling me to strive more so l can achieve and get all the things l want, so everyone will praise me....That's what did, that's what l keep doing.
Buong buhay ko wala akong ginawa kun'di mag-aral para may maipagmalaki naman ang mga magulang ko sa akin. Pero hindi 'e, umasa lang ako na magbabago ang tingin nila sa'kin. They see me as different person, an abnormal one. They don't see my worth as their daughter.
The world is really unfair to me.
"Oh, ba't ka umiiyak?" She sit beside me then she wiped my tears. "May problema ba?" Her voice is filled with worry.
I shook my head then l hugged her tightly. It felt so heavy inside...it suffocates me. " 'W-wag mo akong iwan Nay ah." Sometimes, even when l really want to give up, l still can't help but to think of those people who also cares about me. "Pasensya na kung minsan matigas ang ulo ko."
There's more to life than just surviving...but sometimes surviving means nothing when no one's there to give you courage to live.
"Huwag kang masyadong magpagod kaka-aral. Mas importante pa rin ang kalusugan mo." She caressed my hair like she used to. I don't know how to live without this woman. "Magiging maayos din ang lahat, naniniwala akong gagaling ka. At kapag gumaling ka na pupunta tayo kahit saan mo gusto, 'yung lugar na wala nang makakapanghusga pa sa'yo."
We as a society are judgemental, because we lack acceptance. I was bullied for a long time now. I am physically weak and mentally unstable, l don't fight back 'cause it might worsen the situation.
Ako pa rin ang may kasalanan sa mata ng karamihan....dahil hindi ako normal. Ang isang katulad ko ay hindi pinapanigan. Kasi minsan kung sino pa 'yung biktima sila pa 'yung nagmumukhang may sala.
All l want is for someone to defend me, to protect me, to see me as a normal person. But l don't think it will happen.
Impossible.
Living is abnormal.
