Forget and move forward.
Easy to say than done.
Sana ganoon na lang kadali para sa akin na kalimutan ang lahat...na kalimutan sila...ang mga taong kahit gawa-gawa lang ng isipan ko, napapasaya at pinapahalagahan ako. Sila ang dahilan kung bakit nahihirapan akong gumaling, dahil hindi ko sila kayang burahin. Hindi lang sa isipan ko, lalo na sa puso ko.
It's hard, very hard. Making a decision for good but you knew it might crash you. I have to heal myself but this wound l have will engrave in my heart, memories that every time l'll remember l would probably cry.
"Hoy! ayos ka lang ba? Bakit ka umiiyak? Nakakatawa kaya 'yong palabas." Hera asked then she handed me a handkerchief. "Huwag kang mag-alala 'di ko 'yan pinunas sa sipon ko."
I should laugh at her naughtiness but l found myself crying even more and l can't help but to hug her. "Sorry... I'm so sorry."
I was still a kid when l made them in my mind and now that we turn into ladies, all the memories we've been together flashed back...I see myself in a room watching movies and telling stories with them. I'm not ready for this, l felt suffocated.
"Bhe, tahan na. Ano ba kasing problema? Bakit ka nag so-sorry? Kasi hindi mo kayang ipunas sa luha mo ang panyo ko? Grabe ka naman, naka downy kaya 'yan." She was mumbling words while caressing my back. But instead of feeling better it worsen the pain l'm enduring.
My vision is starting to get blurry because of my tears. When l looked at Yani, she just gave me a small smile...She knew, she knew this will happen but she remain silent.
I urged her to join us which she did. I hug them both as tears falling down from my eyes.
These two are my imaginary bestfriends. Others may not see them but if they only exist, l'll be the luckiest person on earth. Ilang beses kong hiniling na sana totoo na lang sila pero hindi 'e, dahil ako mismo ang gumawa sa kanila, kaya sobrang sakit.
"I'm sorry if l have to forget you two. Erasing you in my mind is like stabbing myself countless times, but l have to. Not because l don't want you guys anymore, but because l want to heal. And healing means forgetting the product of my own imagination." Mas hinigpitan ko pa ang yakap ko sa kanila nang mapansin kong naiiyak na rin sila.
" Huwag niyong isipin na hindi kayo importante sa akin dahil parte na kayo ng buhay ko. Makalimutan ko man kayo sa isipan ko pero nakatatak na kayo sa puso ko. Mahal na mahal ko kayo... salamat sa mga taong pinasaya niyo ako. Hindi ako nagsising ginawa ko kayo, dahil kayo ang naging sandigan ko sa mga panahong nag-iisa lang ako."
Some people have friends but are toxic and fake. They'll stab you behind and make you feel worthless. But mine... though they doesn't exist, they never betray me.
'Cause real friends will pull you up, not push you down.
"We understand." Yani said then she wiped off my tears. "You don't have to apologize and explain, we want you to be normal."
Tumango naman si Hera at hinaplos ang buhok ko. "Mahal ka rin namin Akemi, sana tuluyan ka nang gumaling."
For the last time, before my flight tomorrow, we spent the day bonding together. I made a quick sketch of their face as remembrance.
Parang pinipiga ang puso ko sa sobrang sakit nang magkahiwalay-hiwalay na kami. Noong hapon na ay umuwi ako sa bahay ni tita at nakatulog sa kuwarto ko na mugto ang mga mata.
Nagising lang ako nang may biglang tumawag sa akin galing sa hindi ko kilalang numero. Sa isiping emergency iyon ay sinagot ko.
"Hello, this is Akemi Okada speaking..."
I waited for seconds until the other line replied.
[ Hi Akemi, ako 'to si ate Rysha. Puwede ba tayong magkita ngayon? May gusto lang akong ibigay sa'yo... it's from Rhys.] sagot nang nasa kabilang linya saka sinabi sa akin ang address.
Mas mabilis pa sa alas quatro akong bumangon sa kama at nagbihis. Halo-halong emosyon ang nararamdaman ko habang tumatakbo ang taxi na sinasakyan ko.
Sa kagustuhan kong malaman ang nangyayari kay Rhys, hindi ko napaghandaan ang sinabi ng ate niya na gumunaw sa buo kong pagkatao.
