"Ano po ang nangyari kay Rhys?" iyon agad ang tanong ko kay ate Rysha nang makapasok ako sa loob ng starbucks cafe. Hinihingal pa ako dahil biglang nagkatraffic nang may sumabog na bus sa gilid ng kalsada, tumakbo ako papunta rito.
But looking at ate Rysha, she seems problematic. Mas lalo tuloy akong kinabahan. "May problema ba ate? Ang kapatid mo," I stopped when my voice cracked as I trembled in fear. "kumusta na siya?" para akong maiiyak sa sarili kong tanong.
She sighed then tried to smile but it failed. Kaya tinitigan niya na lang ako sa mga mata. " You know what? Rhys is a very depressive person...When he was a kid he don't have friends because people thought he has a communicable disease. He always locked himself in his room, trying to hide from them. He often read aerospace books and all that stuffs related to universe. He said he want to be an astronaut-engineer..." ate Rysha wiped her tears, trying to look decent in front of me. "But all his dreams fade away when he got into an accident...One day he told me he has a friend next to our house, they talked through a can. At first l didn't believed but when l saw my brother smiling with a can on his ears, l felt like something tugged in my heart. He seldom smile and that's the first time...Then one day he looked outside the window, he saw something which made him worried so he ran outside our house. The next thing l remember...he was lying on the road, his body was covered with his own blood."
A memory flashed back in my mind as l connected the scenes. Sabi ni Rhys siya yung batang nakakausap ko gamit ang lata noon. Kung ganoon....
Sunod-sunod na nagbagsakan ang mga luha ko nang mapagtanto ko ang ibig ipahiwatig ni ate Rysha.
Ilang taon na ang lumipas pero sariwa pa rin sa ala-ala ko ang nangyari, muntik na akong masagasaan pero niligtas ako ng isang batang lalaki.
"He saved you, Akemi." she said.
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!" I shouted at the top of the highway after that heartbreaking conversation in the cafe. I'm so lost that I'm out of my mind. Letting out the frustration and pain l'm carrying.
I covered my face as tears keep falling from my eyes. My mind and heart can't accept what ate Rysha said....because of me, Rhys lost his dreams, he almost died and now he's suffering.
It's all my fault.
"We brought him abroad for recovery, thankfully he survived...But as years passed by we noticed some changes on his actions. He always sleep and he even told us that he always dreamed of a girl... it's you. Dinala namin siya sa isang psychologist at ang sabi nag lu-lucid dream siya. I don't know what exactly is that but he could control his own dreams...And he fell inlove in his dreams...Parati ka niyang kinukuwento sa amin lalo na noong nahanap ka niya sa social media, kaya nang makita kita sa park nagkunwari akong hindi kita kilala pero ang totoo niyan gusto lang talaga kitang obserbahan at hindi ako nagkamali ng akala dahil mabait ka at magalang. Pag-uwi ko sa bahay nagselos siya." Mahinang natawa si ate Rysha kahit naiiyak din siya. "Kinabukasan plano niya sanang pormal na magpakilala sa'yo pero bigla na lang siyang natumba sa sala. Doon namin nalaman na may brain cancer siya."
"For benign tumours that can be completely removed, cure is likely. But we're not sure yet if it's that really his case, the doctors are still monitoring him. He's not in U.S right now, my husband brought him to Finland. May kilala siyang magaling na doctor doon at kumpleto sila sa kagamitan. Doon o-operahan si Rhys kaso...ayaw niya. Dahil natatakot siya na kapag nagising siya makalimutan na niya ang lahat...sabi niya hindi niya kayang gawin 'yon sa'yo...Tinago niya ang sakit niya dahil ayaw niyang mag-alala ka, ngayon naman ayaw niyang magpa-opera dahil takot siyang makalimutan ka." Ate Rysha hold my hand. I met her eyes, l see mixed emotions on it. "Kailanman hindi kita sinisi sa nangyari sa kapatid ko dahil desisyon niyang iligtas ka...I know this is hard but who knows what will happen next? Ayaw kong umasa ka dahil sa lagay ngayon ni Rhys maging ang mga doctor walang kasiguraduhan kong mabubuhay siya. Dasal lang ang kaya nating gawin sa ngayon."
"Ano po ang ibig niyong sabihin?" hindi maganda ang pakiramdam ko rito, parang pinipiga sa sakit ang puso ko.
Hindi ako ganoon ka relihiyosong babae pero para kay Rhys luluhod ako at magdadasal sa Diyos. Si Rhys ang rason kung bakit ako lumalaban. 'Pag nawala siya wala na ring saysay ang mga ipinaglalaban ko sa buhay.
"He won't take the surgery if he's only thinking of you. In this situation, you're both hurting each other. Hindi ko sinasabing mawalan ka nang pag-asa pero ayaw ko ring umasa ka nang mataas na mabuhay siya dahil baka kabaliktaran no'n ang mangyari." ate Rysha stood up then she suddenly kneel down in front of me which made me shocked. "He once saved your life, l beg of you to do the same to him." He tighten her hold on my hand as she cries. "Please...please let him go. "
How could l let him go if l love him more than myself?
He made me believe that there's a bright future ahead of me, but his the future l want to be with.
Paano akong mabubuhay kung wala na si Rhys? Putanginang buhay 'to! ang saklap.
