Soulties

chapter 25

As bad as I wanted Eva to know the truth, seeing her standing on that door waiting for an answer from both Ronda and I made me feel so sad for her but more than anything I felt terrible, I felt like a whore busy jumping from friend to friend.

"I should go" I said going past Eva and walking out the house before anyone could say anything.

***

I am on my way to my next lesson, science at the lab and I'm running late as usual, the door is closed. I peep through the corner window that reveals the lab from outside I see my classmates are settled. I attempt to turn around so I can open the door but a body hovers me and I turn to meet her. I can't read her expression but her eyes are bloodshot red she pins me against the wall not losing the eye contact

"I... I-" I try to speak but words fail me, I turn my head to the side and her girlfriend is looking at us ready to kill. "Eva your girl-" I try to make her aware but she cuts me off "don't" she says softly as she brings her face closer to me and I'm getting mixed emotions "Zola why? " she asks in almost a whisper "Eva.." she places a finger on my lips "why someone closest to me? My best friend of all people! Why?" I can see the hurt in her eyes I want to say something but I don't know what and luckily she speaks again "is she better than me" a tear falls off her eye but instead she takes her thumb and wipes a tear on my eye that I was not even aware of. "I'm sorry" within a split second our lips were about to touch when the door opened bringing us out of the moment.

"Am I disturbing something?" asks an angry Zuki but Eva walks away instead. My eyes follow her as she goes further and further away from me. I huff and turn my head looking at this angry dark beauty in front of me and in this very moment I'm sure that she's already planned my death and funeral. "Excuse me" I say walking past her getting inside the lab.

ma'am: Zola you are late again!

Me: I'm sorry ma'am it won't happen again

She turns back to the board and continues with the lesson. I can't help but zone out and think back to that moment Eva and I almost had. I've never seen her that way before.

***

Mandisa: friend youve been sad all day, Eva still wont talk to you?

Me: Ive never seen her like that before, I thought I didnt care how she would feel about this but seeing her that way breaks me more than anything. The last thing I wanted to happen is having someone else hurting because of my actions

Mandisa: it might not make sense now but everything will work out the way its supposed to

Me: I hope so

I got home later that day and decide I would write a message to Eva, pour my heart out.

Im not a bad person, I didnt choose to purposely be with Ronda but Im truly sorry for crashing you. Seeing you hurt because of me makes me miserable. I loved you Eva, you had the best of me for so many years and now I hardly know that part of myself because you destroyed it and you put the blame on me for it and every other pain you caused me. For the longest time ever, I struggled to look at myself in the mirror and not see the hardest person to love because you instilled that in me, you made me feel like I was not enough. Still I loved you more than you loved me and more than I loved myself, I did everything in my power to help you treat me right, I begged you to treat me right. I forgave your every flaw and fault while you chose to hold mine against me. Nothing I did was ever enough for you. Ronda sees me, she not only listens to me but she hears me, makes me feel loved and she shows me, cares for me and notices the little things. This is everything I begged from you. Im not trying to make you a villain in my story but Im trying to make you see why it had to be your best friend. Once again, Im sorry and you know Ill always care for you.

Love.

Zola.