𝙻𝚘𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚒𝚜 𝚊 𝚌𝚛𝚒𝚖𝚎

Chapter 46

Nikki's POV

This day seems promising. Moira is here. Yet another part of the plan is completed. Now it's time for the most important part. I should tell her it's been me all this time. She's gonna hate me for killing her sister. But I didn't even touch her. I made John kill her. Also, she didn't feel any pain. Tommy on the other hand... I know he's been my best friend and lawyer and I know I did him wrong. But his hopeless romantic side just had to ruin our friendship. Like, he could have married someone else than her. Well, I guess that's the price I'm paying for the things I've done and the things I'm about to do next. I wonder if there's more prices left... I did Moira wrong too. Instead of being there for her when her sister had just died, I had to act like a fucking asshole. And she still loves me. How is that possible? But what if she had no feelings at all? I would have killed her by now for making my love unrequited. Oh God, when am I gonna kiss her?

Aaaaaand she woke up. I'm coming my dear. OH WAIT, I'M NIKKI STILL. Where's my mask? I almost fucked up everything. Alright, I'm ready. I'm coming my love, don't scream like that. You're gonna wake the monsters up.
"Good morning, milady. I hope you slept well."
"FUCK YOU!" I love you too.
"Fuck me? That soon? Wow, I'm surprised. But I don't think it's the right time for that."
"YOU SON OF A BITCH! LET ME OUTTA HERE!" She's so cute when she's angry. I guess I'm gonna piss her off frequently.
"Why? You don't like it in here?"
"I HATE IT IN HERE! WHY DID YOU TRICK ME LIKE THAT?" Damn, she felt right into the rabbit hole, didn't she?
"You tricked yourself, darling. It's not my fault you wanted to come here."
"YOU SAID I HAD TO COME OVER."
"You could have ignored that fucking letter in the first place, couldn't you?"
"LET ME OUTTA HERE!"
"Not yet. I'm not done with you."
"OH, YOU'RE GONNA KILL ME? GO AHEAD! BLOW MY FUCKING SKULL TO PIECES IF YOU WANT!" You're too perfect to be killed like that. Blowing your skull to pieces is gonna be disgusting.
"Stop shouting at me, please! I'm tired of everyone shouting at me."
"Maybe because you're ASSHOLE? PSYCHO MOTHERFUCKER?"
"You won't stop shouting, huh?"
"AT LEAST I HAVE MY REAL VOICE TO DO SO."
"And I have a tape for your precious lips. Stop shouting or they'll become sticky." I hate it when she cries. Moira don't cry please. You're gonna be free soon.
"Let me out of here. Please let me out..."

I had to go out of there. Her crying is like a thousand needles in my voodoo puppet and she's the voodoo witch. I just couldn't take it. Sometimes I wonder why am I doing the things I'm doing? Why did I kill her sister? Why am I playing this game? Why couldn't I just stop being an asshole? I'm always doing some shitty things like playing with people's lives and manipulating the police. But the fact that I'm in love with one of them is even more complicated. I keep telling myself it's only a love game between me and her, but I don't think it's a game anymore. I'm hardcore motherfucker with mental issues and childish attitude. I'm a fucking loser. I can't even act like a normal human being. I quit drugs but the insanity is still festering in my mind. Maybe I just don't know what I'm doing with my life at this moment.

Moments like these I hate to be sober. My mind just can't stop ruining everything. Maybe I should re-read some of my old poems... Oh, thank God I found my diary. There were some poems written down in it. Some had titles, some were nameless... But the creepy part was that I tried to write down what's like to experience a fucking psychosis... Like, how are you supposed to write down something when you're freaking the hell out of your mind. Yet, I kinda understand it. I was doing drugs more than sell them. I almost got Craig mad. He even tried to get rid of me but Tommy... Fuck... Tommy's been always by my side and what did I do in return? Killed his wife. Such a good friend am I, right?

Now I'm in my room reading my 'works of art'. To be honest, they're not that bad, considering my situation right now. Oh God, I FOUND IT... I was looking for this poem so loooong Oh God... I really love the line that says: '...Her love is like a passionate kiss, at first so sweet then it takes your breath...'. Like, she simply can't stop loving me the way I can't stop loving her. It really did seem so sweet. But now I wish I was truly dead. It's like I'm waiting in front of hell's gates without actually me wanting to be there. And when I do realize I should be there, the gates don't open still. Hmm... '...Maybe a bullet to my head will make somebody love me, maybe a bullet in my head would make somebody care.'... Wow, this one's depressive... Well, not like I don't feel the same... Fuck... I should check on Moira.

"Do you need something?"
"No, I don't."
"Hmm... let's talk about your sister."
"You killed her. I know."
"My buddy did."
"You made him do it. You're both to blame."
"Hey, at least she didn't suffer."
"Poisoned and then with her heart ripped out..."
"You know it already. Why are you so sad then?"
"IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS."
"Please, don't shout. May I do something for you?"
"What do you think you're trying to do? Trick me again?"
"No, I'm trying to be kind with you."
"Well, it's not working, Si- um Serafino." Did she just slip her tongue? I swear on my life she almost said Sixx.
"Sixx? Did you almost say Sixx?"
"I-I... You know what... YOU'RE JUST LIKE HIM. YOU'RE BOTH ASSHOLES. AND IF YOU DID KILL HIM THEN I'M GLAD YOU DID." What? Did she just say that? Why?
"Wow, so you hate him actually?"
"YES, I DO."
"Then why are you sad?"
"BECAUSE I MISSED MY CHANCE."
"What chance?"
"I missed my chance to move on from him. Instead of coming here, I should have stayed at home. But I was stupid. I wanted to ask you if Nikki is still alive and now I'M TIED UP HERE. WHY DON'T YOU JUST KILL ME AND IT'S GONNA BE DONE AT LAST." Oh Moira, and I thought I was the one who's engulfed with our messed up relationship.