The Pain that Lingers

Chapter twenty five: You're the One I Need

Lucy 

I went back home and to say the least mom and dad were not upset. 

Alyssa didn't tell them anything, thankfully. 

"We're just glad you're okay. When Alyssa told me that you two were having a sleepover I was relieved. Honey, don't disappear like that okay?" Mom said. 

"I promise, it wont happen again." I said. 

"Go upstairs and shower, you reek." Dad commented. 

I went to my room and plopped on my bed. I didn't want to shower right now even though I should. 

I Kept thinking about last night.

How Jayden made me feel. 

He made me feel special, like I was the perfect girl. 

I wanted to feel that way with Tyler, but he didn't understand. 

I feel guilty for turning him into a monster. 

Stop it Lucy, it's not your fault he raped you, tormented you, tried to pin you against your own friends. 

Man, I really do need to shower. I hop off the bed and took a shower and then went to bed. 

_________________________________________________________________________

I had some time off of school. The headmistress said I could do some of my school work online to catch up and told me I could come back anytime I wanted to. 

I appreciated her gesture and was grateful. I really needed time off. 

I heard a knock at my door. When the person at my door came in I was shocked to see Jayden. 

I gently smiled, "Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked in a low voice. 

"Coming to check up on you since we haven't spoken a word to each other since that night." Jayden said wearing a solemn look on his face. 

"I know. I'm sorry I just needed some time off. Headmistress Conlon said I could do my school work at home for the time being." I explained. 

"Don't ghost me. I get worried, you know?" Jayden said. 

"Aw you worry about me!" I said whimsically. 

"Really sherlock? No kidding!" Jayden joked. 

"Shut up and get over here," I said motioning him to sit on my bed. He wrapped his arms around me and planted his lips onto mine. I break the kiss needing some air. 

"Common, we were just getting started." Jayden commented. 

"My parents will be home soon, in almost thirty minutes." I replied back. 

"So that will give us enough time to have our fun." Jayden said. 

"Fine. You win." 

"I always do!" Jayden confidentially said. 

When we finished, I rolled over to my side. 

"What's wrong?" Jayden asked. 

"Nothing." I say. Which is a lie. Jayden knows I'm lying because he tells me he knows I am. 

"You're lying. What is wrong? You can tell me." He said. 

Who is Jayden? Where did the old Jayden go? Just months ago he would have tormented me. Now he's with me in my bed. 

"I don't know. I'm just... confused." I said. 

"Confused about what?" Jayden directly asked me. 

I sighed, and pursed my lips together. "What is this?" I asked. 

"What is what?" He asked. Jayden almost seemed annoyed. 

"What are we?" I asked. He froze. I don't think he liked what I asked. But I wanted to know. If we were to be friends or be in a relationship, I have to know how he is feeling.

"Does it have to be anything right now? Can't we just enjoy the moment?" Jayden said dismissively. 

I scoffed, "Why do you have to be like that?" I asked. I turned back around and he raised his eyebrow. 

"Like what?" 

"Do you even want me for me or are you just using me? I like you Jayden but for some reason, I'm sensing you don't want to be in a committed relationship." I say honestly. I was careful not to raise my voice at him. 

"I don't know. It's just I got out of a relationship and it wasn't in the most fond way." He said. Great, now I feel guilty. I get up and walk to my dresser to put some clothes on. He tried reaching for my hand. 

"I understand, Jayden. I can't be in a one-sided relationship or friendship." I said feeling overwhelmed at what just happened. Great. Just what I needed after escaping that hell. I thought he and I shared something. I thought he understood me in ways no other guy did. 

"I'm just not ready right now." Jayden lightly whispered. 

"Then leave, please." I said with frustration. I pointed to the door signaling him to leave. I need some peace and time to think. Jayden looked at me with somberness. I feel so bad for kicking him out, I do. But he needs to make up his mind. I don't want to be played for like a fool. 

"Fine," Jayden said with low eyes. 

Don't go Jayden. You're the one I need. 

He left my room and I slammed my fists on my head. God damn, why do I have to be so stupid sometimes? Why can't I be upset for once without a damn reason? 

I'll tell you why. 

Nobody really cares about me. 

Not my mom.

Not my dad. 

Not Logan. 

No one. 

I feel like I'm the problem in everyone's life. If I stay here I'm just going to make it worse for everyone. I'm the toxic person which is why no one likes me. I don't even like myself sometimes. I look in the mirror wishing someone would help my inner demons. But the only way to get rid of them, is to face them alone. 

My biggest fear is Tyler. 

My biggest fear is letting go. 

My biggest fear is letting people see how vulnerable I am. 

Hell, if people saw my vulnerability they know my weaknesses. 

I think Jayden just witnessed my weakness. 

He could or could not use them against me now that I told him to basically fuck off. 

I picked up a backback with rhinestones on it and packed some clothes. I packed some money in case I needed some, I just need to get out of here. 

A walk to the park would be nice. Just to sit there and watch the lake and the little kids play. It's in the middle of the day, no one would notice that I'm gone. 

I ran out the door and didn't look back. 

Wow, Heavy chapter. Sorry it took me long to write these chapters. I was dealing with school problems, so I hope you guys enjoyed. As always vote, comment and follow for more chapters.