thirteen :: mgc

23

I found myself walking down the halls yet again. Except this time, I was sadder than the first time I did it.

I slowly opened the door and walked to my normal seat next to her bed. I grabbed her cold hand and sighed sadly.

I looked up at her face and frowned even more.

She looked exactly like she did the first time I visited her, she was still. I looked up to the ceiling, mouthing 'please, please'.

I couldn't fail her by not being here, I could let that happen. I could let anything happen to her. Partly because it felt like the world was counting on me, then mostly because I needed her to get better.

Every time I came in here, it seemed like her heart monitor was getting slower and slower, and even I knew that was a bad thing. It meant she was getting worse. I didn't want that to happen but this is what the real-world feels like. This was a reality.

I let go of her hand and patted it gently before standing up slowly, and walking out just as slowly.
• • •
I didn't know what to do with myself anymore. I didn't have Teagan by my side constantly to keep me company.

I needed company but I didn't have any, other than the boys, and I didn't want them to be asking a million questions about this so called girl. So I decided that I would just stay lonely and be the loner that I was. Because by now, I was sure that she was gone, and that I was alone.

She said it herself, she is too broken to be fixed and the chances if her pulling through aren't promising at all, she knew that much.

And that scared me.
• • •
1:30am

I couldn't sleep because I was busy thinking about her again. I just couldn't take my mind off of her, for the fear that she would be gone if I didn't hope every second of the day. Even at 1:31am.

It seemed like I was going crazy, and I was sure that I was, but I wasn't going to stop being like this until I knew that she would be okay. Even at 1:32am.

For my sake, I tried to close my eyes, but it was no use, it wasn't happening. I wasn't tired at all, I was wide awake. Even at 1:33am.

I kept thinking that maybe this is just pointless and I should be asleep instead of starring at a clock, but I couldn't bring myself to stop. Even at 1:34am.
• • •
When I finally got myself out of bed I immediately went to the same place I had gone to all week. It didn't take a genius to figure out where that place was.

I was on autopilot as I drove my car there, I didn't even start to realized that I was turning and stopping and actually driving until I parked my car in a parking spot and found myself at the front desk again. The same nurse took me back down the halls and she didn't even have to tell me that O had to put on the scrubs because I already knew damn well.

This time when I walked in, there were more tubes and machines around the room. She had her breathing mask on again, and she was paler than usual. I had the newfound urge to back out of the room and just act like I had never been there, because nobody, not even me, deserved to see what I am seeing right now.

Her condition was worse than the first time I saw her here, and it was unnerving. It was terrifying to the point of having nightmares.

This was not what I wanted.

This was not supposed to happen.

This was not how I planned.

This was never the plan.

Where did things go wrong?

+

This is just a few of Michael's thoughts and he is feeling fucking terrified fOR HIS LIFE BC GODDAMN TGIS IS TOO MCH TOTAKEB IN.