𝙒𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙔𝙤𝙪, 𝙄𝙩'𝙨 𝙍𝙚𝙖𝙡 | Douma x Demon Reader

In my Head

I stared at her, as her solemn words crept off her tongue in the quietness of the Fortress. She reached for the talisman that covered my forehead and pulled it off gently.

"Now go..." She urged. "Let one of them catch you..."

I waited for a second, savoring in the sanctuary of that moment.

I had told myself over and over again, not to be scared, and not to doubt myself. But I couldn't help but do just that every single time I ran into a problem. But this time, this could be the only instance where I could doubt myself, because even a split second of hesitation could ruin it for all of us.

I had already ruined it to begin with, the best I could do is at least do my part correctly.

I took a deep breath, and shut my brain off. I finally began to run away from her, the fragile human within me terrified of what could possibly come next. There were so many times in my life, that I wished for something else. 

I pushed the memories back in my head, but my soul could never forget how when I was human and I was a nurse in my small little village, I wanted adventure. I craved something different, a life where I was free to do whatever I wanted, without the burden of money or my failure.

Then, when my world turned upside down, I became this monster, yet it lead me to another monster, who I helped make whole again. Yet for so long, I wished for my mundane humanity back, all because of my family. 

Though eventually, I grew to love my life with Douma, and was more than happy to live on forever with him. But just as I settled in, that was stripped from me too.

Was this my karma for never being content? I was so lucky to even have such a life as mine, and I spent everyday wishing it away, trying to force the reins into my hands even though they weren't mine to control.

This was my punishment, I believed. There was no other reason.

Why am I the lucky one? Why must I be the one that has to withstand the sun?

This whole time I was running through the Infinity Castle, and eventually, I just felt like I was running in circles. My mind was so occupied in thought that I had no idea where I even was.

So much for turning my brain off.

I fell to my knees after coming to a complete stop, exhausted from running and tired of thinking.

Why was all of this my fault?

I tried to clear my head as I panted, replaying the memory of Yushiro's plan in hopes that it would motivate me to get back up again. I thought about Douma, the cult, my family, humanity- All the things that I was fighting towards.

But just as I was about to stand up, I felt a cold blade up against my throat, and a menacing laugh that followed.

My head didn't move, but my eyes followed in the direction of the sword.

Mission accomplished, I guess? I thought to myself, as my eyes met his.

"You realize, I'm always the one that finds you when you need help?" Koku said, trying to get under my skin.

"Have you seen Douma?" I asked, slightly turning my head. He pushed the sword farther up against my neck, blood now dripping from the cut forming.

"Who cares..." He said through his teeth. He bent down, just inches from my face, his sword still up against me. "You're coming with me..."

He grabbed hold of my arm, gripping me so hard it felt like he'd eventually tear it off. In a swift motion he bent my arm backwards behind my back and pushed me in front, his blade still drawn.

"What? Did you forget how to walk?" He mocked as he pushed me forward. "Muzan doesn't like to be left waiting...If you can't already tell, you lost...So, hurry up." He commanded.

Little did he know this was all part of a plan, and deep down inside, I just wanted to laugh at his stupidity. I realized we all had painful shit we had to hide deep within us. We were all just like Douma in a way. Sure, maybe we weren't all masochists, but we all disguised our weaknesses with lies and fake smiles.

Kokushibo has a want to be understood, the way I understand Douma, and he hides that behind a stoic demeanor that could probably never be broken. I didn't know much about him, but his jealousy was obvious.

But I was just like them, but in a different way. I cover my clumsy, weak soul with a graceful and elegant presence, one that would fool just about everyone.  I didn't want people to know I was so insecure. When I was human,  I lied to myself so much that I actually began to believe it.

Being around Douma made me realize the real person I had within me I had shoved deep down inside. This was never a fight between the human and demon in me, this was a battle between who I truly was, versus who I wanted to be.

This whole time, I had thought that I saved Douma, when in fact, he was saving me little by little.

Letting the real me come out and grow strong, rather than bullying her into a corner like I always had. Maybe, I wouldn't mess up so much if I just let myself be me, so it was time for me to accept myself for who I really was.

I told myself that it's okay to be scared...

It's okay to want to run away...

Still, what's truly important, is that you never leave the person you genuinely are behind, because slowly, you'll lose yourself.

But this wasn't the time to be brave and flail around and get out of Kokushibo's grasp. I had to go willingly for this plan to work. I would have to face Muzan and Akaza again. I'd have to continue to trust Yushiro and Lady Tamayo with my life.

I had to accept the fact, that there was a grand possibility that I may die.

So as I walked in front of Kokushibo, his sword still cutting into my neck as he forced me forward, I let out a tear. I couldn't let myself break down, but that little release brought me the clarity I needed.

Now, it was time Douma and I put on our little show, since everything was going perfectly  according to plan.

As the tear that had fallen from my eye, trailed down my cheek, I took a shaky, deep breath, and bit down on the pill that would soon turn me human again...

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hope you guys enjoy! t minus 4 days will douma gets animated!!!!

thank you for reading!

xoxoxo