The Doctor & The 13 Reasons Why

Chapter 12: 13 Reasons Why (Reasons 12 & 13)

Clay had listened to 11 tapes and professed his love to Hannah and professed her love back. But now it was time for Clay to hear number 12. The real reason why Hannah Baker was going to take her own life.

The Doctor: Number 12. I think you should take a seat for this one.

Clay Jensen: I'll stand. Hannah, you can take a seat if you want.

Hannah takes up on Clay's offer and sits down on a chair as The Doctor begins to play tape 12.

Hannah Baker (Tape): Here we are. Tape 12. If you've listened this far and haven't heard your name, well, I bet you know exactly what's coming now. Or maybe you don't have any idea. Could that be true? Could a person be that sick? Let's find out.

Clay listens to the part where she lost the money from her parents store.

The Doctor: Umm, about that money.

The Doctor takes out a bag as Hannah could not believe what she is seeing.

Hannah Baker: You've got to be kidding me.

Clay Jensen: Is that...?

The Doctor: The money she lost.

The Doctor hands it over to Hannah as she opens it up and counts it.

Hannah Baker: It's all here. $743. Why didn't you... let me guess, paradox.

The Doctor: Correct. And don't worry about the landlord for your parent's store, I deal with him.

Hannah Baker: Thank you.

They continue listening to the tape.

Hannah Baker (Tape): It seemed like no matter what I did, I kept letting people down. I started thinking how everyone's lives would be better without me. And what does that feel like? It feels like nothing. Like a deep, endless, always blank nothing. And for those of you who will now be looking for signs everywhere... what does it really look like? Here's the scary thing. It looks like nothing. It wasn't a short walk. I walked forever that night. Through my old neighborhood, where the houses were nicer than the one we lived in now. All the way up to the hill where the rich people live. Where you live. And from blocks away, I heard it. The music. The murmur of voices. The siren call of a party. You'd think I'd know better than to follow that call after Jessica's party. But my feet followed it. My mind and heart were still in the big, blank nothing. I was surprised to see Jessica at another party. But then, I was surprised to see myself at another party. And I can't explain it... but sitting there under the stars... I felt at peace for the first time in days. The way I see it, there are two different kinds of death. If you're lucky, you live a long life... and one day your body stops working and it's over. But if you're not lucky, you die a little bit... over and over... until you realize it's too late. I know some of you might think there was more I could have done, or should have done. But I'd lost control. And in that moment, it felt like... it felt like I was already dead. I thought maybe I could forget about what had happened. But thanks to you, Bryce... I'd finally lived up to my reputation. And I knew there was no way I could ever live that down. But I thought at least maybe I could set the record straight. So I started making a list... trying to piece together just exactly how my life had gone so wrong. And the names that came out. Life is unpredictable... and control is just an illusion. And sometimes all that unpredictability is overwhelming. And it makes us feel small and powerless. And once I took a look back... and I finally understood how everything happened... I decided that no one wouldever hurt me again.

Clay Jensen just finished listening to tape 12. He was shocked. He was horrified. All he can do was just look at Hannah and watch her cry as she had to be reminded of that night just by listening to the tape.