A Part Of Me // Dreamnap

1

"I wan't you to be honest with me Sapnap," Dream said, tears continuing to roll down his cheeks.

"I don't want you to think about apologizing, I don't want you to pity me. I want you to tell the truth," he said in a pained voice.

His eyes were red and puffy, and just by looking at him, you could tell that he was tired.

Tired of everything. Of his emotions, of love, of Sapnap, of life, of everything.

He was just so drained of energy after all he had been through this past weekend, and it was causing him to break.

They were sat in Sapnap's bed, the moonlight illuminating the room. The room was cold, no heater to be ran and no time to get under blankets together. And the rain outside was killing Dream.

He's always hated the rain.

It had finally been time to talk about everything, especially after Dream saw him with another boy.

"And please be honest, because I already know the answer." Dream pleaded before continuing.

"Do you still love me?"

"I— yes Dream, of course. I've always loved you and—"

"You fucking liar!" Dream cried.

He buried his head in his hands, and Sapnap could only stay silent. Sapnap didn't love him, it had been obvious. He had started to distance himself so much that he found a replacement for Dream. And Dream knew that he wasn't good enough for Sapnap the day he saw him in bed with another man.

"Stop lying to yourself— stop lying to me," Dream sobbed. "You don't love me, you stopped a long time ago."

Sapnap couldn't remember when he had stopped loving Dream. Maybe he had been too scared to admit it, seeing as they've been best friends for so long. Maybe he was just scared to ruin everything.

Or maybe he was just clueless, and didn't realize how much he had been hurting Dream by lying about his feelings.

Did he really lose interest in the one person he could ever imagine being with?

How did he fuck up so badly?

"It hurts, sap. It really does," his voice broke as he spoke.

Sapnap looked down and began to pick at his fingers. He had become unbelievably anxious, even though he felt like he had no excuse to.

"I never meant to hurt you, Dream." He whispered.

His voice was quiet, and it sounded almost as hurt as Dream's did. "That would never be my intention. Whether I loved you or not."

That burned a mark into Dream's heart that would never fade. He didn't love him, but he didn't want to hurt him.

"I don't know why I didn't end things sooner," Dream admitted. "You know, this might all just be my fault."

"Maybe it was the memory of when we first got together, and when you looked into my eyes—" Dream's voice broke. He took a second, inhaling before speaking once more. "You gave me a look that I'd never forget."

He brought a hand up to his own cheek, wiping away a new tear that fell. "Maybe it was the way you'd speak to me, with your sweet voice. And even though the tone you gave me faded over time, I never forgot it."

"Maybe it was the way I thought your hand fit perfectly into mine." Dream carefully grabbed Sapnap's hand, interlocking their fingers for what would seem to be the last time for a while. He ran his thumb over the brunette's knuckles, which should be too affectionate for the situation, but Dream didn't care anymore.

"Maybe it was the feeling you gave me whenever I was around you. I felt so— so warm," he explained, giving a smile as he looked off and out the window.

"Maybe I was too scared to lose you, making me want nothing but to try and keep you with me."

His eyes returned to Sapnap's, two pairs of green eyes meet, "But maybe all of my thoughts were wrong. Maybe we just weren't meant to be."

Sapnap moved closer to the blond, legs now touching from the little distance between the two.

"But even though that's a possibility," Dream sniffled, wiping more tears using the end of his sleeve. "A part of me will never stop loving you. Even though I don't want that to be true," he whispered.

"But I can tell that you don't want me anymore, and that was made clear this weekend."

Sapnap winced at that statement.

Sapnap's tears which pooled in his glossy eyes finally began to fall, rolling down to the stubble on his chin. "I don't want anything to happen to us," the brunette whispered. "I want everything to be okay."

"We can still be friends," Dream suggested, voice still quiet and vulnerable. "I just need time away."

The room fell silent for a moment before Dream spoke again. "Time away from you."

His lips pressed together into a thin line before running his free hand through his dirty blond hair. Tears were rapidly streaming down his freckled face, not bothering to wipe the streaks of tears away.

"Will you come back?" Sapnap asked.

Dream slowly nodded. "It'll be a bit before I do, though."

Sapnap nodded in acknowledgement, "right," he said, his voice cracking into a cry as he spoke.

Dream looked to him, watching as tears rolled down Sapnap's face. He brought a hand up to the pale skin, dragging his thumb across his cheek to wipe away the tears. "Just give me a bit of time. I'll be back before you know it."

Dream gave him a sad smile before standing up from the bed, dropping Sapnap's hand from his.

"I'll be at Karl's for the next few weeks, okay?" Dream said, sniffing once again. "Just— text me if you need anything."

Sapnap nodded, "Right."

"See you soon, Sapnap." Dream said, beginning to walk out the door.

Stopping in the middle of the door frame, Dream turned around to look at Sapnap.

"Sapnap?" He called out.

"Yes?"

Dream hesitated before speaking, looking down to the ground before finally voicing his thoughts.

"I love you."

And at that, he walked out the bedroom door. Moments later, Sapnap heard the front door slam shut.

"Love you too," He whispered into the air, hoping it would somehow travel to Dream.

Dream was gone for now.

He couldn't sleep that night. The constant flow of tears kept him awake.

You don't realize how much something really is to you until you can't have it anymore.

Sapnap realized it that night.

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